diaryme

birthday

2009-12-17T15:10:00.003+08:00

it was simple yet great... juz spending time wif the loved ones is enough...

dad wanted to bring me out for dinner, but since im going out wif amin. he bought mac for lunch... and he's one sotong.. doesnt even noe wat to buy... he's the kind who cant live without mum, he wont noe wat to do.

spending the birthday wif him is juz sweet.. all the expenditure.. all the pamperness.. dang.. i really love him loads...

the watch, limited edition funshine and roses are from him. the bvlgari necklace is from irsyad... and the funny looking toy is from ibu.... its freaking cute, the way it dance wen u press the 'press me button'.. haha... i was simple laughing my ass off.

nyp credited sum money to my ac... and im still wondering y they did tat.. i've left dem since may, and erm... its not a small sum of money.. oh well, dump it all into my savings ac. save save save money, i wanna get married :p

hey abang, happy 1 year...

twEnty-2

2009-12-11T23:47:00.005+08:00

soonn.. 10 more mins. hell, i dun tink anybody read dis blog anymore. but who cares, im juz gonna blog.

im tired, i wanna sleep... 10 more mins.

he brought up a subject, sth which i've been trying to brush away from the mind and heart. sth which i keep comparing in silence yet doesnt hurt me. seriously, wat can i do if he's not the same? its juz sth which i gotta accept. its part of loving sum1.. accepting the good and bad. even i wish, it was similar to her.. roses all the time.. pics.. surprises.. gifts.. late night convo.. juz simply romantic.

im really gonna be alryte, i've brush it away for a year ++, i can still do it. smile and smile.. the heart will slowly curl up into a smile too.

its gonna be a better year... it will be a happy year.

Happy Birthday yani.

its over..

2009-12-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

exam is over.. 2 more weeks to results, sux.. i hate the nervous feeling.

its getting complicated each day, i wonder.. am i tat important anymore? am i to u? we decided on going out, yet last minute it was cancelled.. and for all i noe, u did went out but without me. is it right for me to sulk? or shd i juz keep dis bursting feeling deep in the heart?

i wished to blog abt kak ikin and her boyfie, yet i cant find the happy and loving feeling ryte now..

its juz full of grief.. i hate december. i wish my bday isnt dis month.

Letting go..

2009-11-02T01:29:00.002+08:00

its 1.30am in the morn, and i juz finished my assignment. its due 2mrw 11am, and it feels relieve to submit it already.

im freaking exhausted.... yday prac exam. get zero.. cant do a thing, stuck there for 3 hrs.. the moment i left the place, tears rolled down.. its juz a feeling of helplessness and angryness... u juz wish theres sth u can do abt it, but its all too late. haiz.. im prepared to retake the module if need be..

after exam, rushed to work... wasnt in the mood at all for work, juz wish i could drown sumwhere... but i gotta be strong and move on. i have to work, i got bills to settle, and debts to be paid.

it juz sux, the feeling of giving up is starting to sink in.. but im trying my bez to hang on and keep moving forward. i have to let tat disappointment go, im still letting it go.. the tot of it everytime juz kills..

i dunno if i can do dis... but im not giving up..

god, plz give me the strength to go thru all dis. plz give me sum courage.. let me clear the 5 modules... please..

exhausted!!

2009-10-14T20:39:00.002+08:00

already 2040hr, but im still in sch lib doing my work... dang... im super exhausted. i wonder wat time the lib here close, but i doubt it close.. coz its still as pack as b4.. dotz...

i wish i have a vehicle or i stay in halls, i dread going home at dis time.... coz i juz wanna lie down and sleep..

had 2 meetings juz now... thank god, we finish the script and trial run. meeting dem on sat in the morn to finish up the script... and finished my presentation slides... next week presentation!

dis fri is maths quiz.. shitty... did the supp qns.... not ez. lucky theres forum to help out. ohh... my eyes juz wanna close.

ok, am tired.... wanna go peee and chiows. take care ppl

Long Weekend!

2009-10-12T16:22:00.004+08:00

had a super tiring weekend... thank god, we rent the car.. dang! i forget to take pics wif the car...

its a chevrolet optra, super big car... i dun like.. the butt too long!! anyway... i became sayang driver... send him and pick him up from sch. tho i make him drive, wenever he's in the car. but its great... getting lost alone at nyte... talking on the phone while driving(tho its against the law..) only did tat coz i got lost... need him to tell me the way. but other den tat its great.

its angahs marriage last weekend. hectic..... went home super late.. and wake up super early..

went to buddhist lodge to take my bursary too... thank god, amin was arnd... or i'll juz die... super bored! so of course, we camwhore!

wee.... weekend is over, and i havnt even done any of my work! haiz... irritating.. dis week, i have to visit the school museum, theres an assignment on tat. haiz... can sumbody plz accompany me...

Juz blogging.

2009-10-09T00:29:00.002+08:00

im supposed to be sleeping right now... was listening to the webcast. Bio.. they had a change in the lecturer.. hearing his voice makes me sleepy... its juz irritating! dang, i wish they didnt change the lecturer..

its fri!!!! means, im gonnnna driiiiiiive later! yipppe!!! i cant wait! i cant wait!

accompanied him to study for his exam. i dun understand y nurses have to learn statistics and hypothesis? remind me of tat rotten apple teacher back in poly... she was the one who taught us tat in maths. and they have to moderate our mid term coz we sux badly.. haha

i wanna study, but im super sleepy. working cb opening 2mrw. for 4 hours? its really a waste of time. im supposed to work till 5pm, but a colleague wanna change.. coz he wanna work longer den me. so 2mrw im finishing at 3pm. but ok la.. means, can teman ayang go take car oso..

im really hungry... i guess, i need to go out and grab a bite.. can feel gastric juices le....

anyway, good luck darling for your exam 2mrw! hugz...

p/s: hope im not kept in the dark.... at least i noe wats going on.

Its time to blog again..

2009-10-05T16:01:00.003+08:00

its been super duper long... almost 4 months since i blog..

its 2 weeks past raya..... and im juz feeling as tired as ever. all my weekends are burn.. either working or events. dis coming weekend will be angah's marriage.... dang, another bz weekend.

waa.... theres so much to say, yet i dunno wat to say. lets juz start updating abt myself..

am in NUS ryte now. and im freaking stressed, thus i dun blog often.
am happy with Muhaymin Sopii. and wanna still be happy wif him till time stops (if god permits)
am trying my bez to spend more time wif family.
am loving my dearest cuzzies, tho we seldom meet up dis days(kak ikin on mc, nadia working ALL THE TIME, im bz wif sch.. and kak iqah is working too)
am hoping to find time to meet my cliques, to get zac prezzie ( its almost a month due)
am still working my ass off, to get more money to pay off my debts
am meeting wif fana often since our bf are always bz :D

there..... the summary......

sch sux to the max.... next month is exam time!! and i juz start sch 2 months ago... time really flies in uni..... its like, never ending. preparation after preparation.. to prepare for each modules takes time, assignments and wateva not... dang.. i cant wait to grad!

and it sux badly tat they dun ask me out anymore.... bcoz of 1 person, im out of the gang.... super weird. ohh well, its not ez to get true frenz! so basically dis year, i dun jalan raya wif any frenz... how sad.

on the brighter side, im meeting amin later. cant wait cant wait!! i juz miz him so much.

our raya pic.... i love dis pic so much..

dis is at esplanade area..

p/s: i promise to blog often! :D

updates updates!!

2009-07-02T23:05:00.009+08:00

i've yet to publish my pulau blading post.. i juz cant seem to find the time to finish tat post.... work is so irregular...and i've been working 7 days straight.... 2mrw working morn again... haiz... exhausted sey!

dis whole month gonna bee bzz! i've accepted the training job for the month, at mee toh.. teaching photoshop... and im still gonna work at gv + my tuition... and dis whole month, lotsa uni stuff to settle too.... 4 tests to take, sum registration and briefing to go to, health checkup, orientation, settling of tuition fees loan... and shit.. i have to start learning for my tests! dang dang dang...

anyway, its the forth yesterday.... watched transformers and ate pastamania! we saw along and abg shahreil in TM, they juz got back from eating pastamania. since my cuzzie is working there, we got a discount of 30%. tats good bargain, considering eating wif amin yday only cost abt 21bucks after the discount of a $9++. transformers was great! tho all of them look the same, i cant differentiate the fallen clan at all... dotz.. so moz of the time, i was figuring out who is who.. dumb me..

*im so getting lazy wif editing of pictures.. haiz..

u and me....

his seafood marinara..

my chix cheesy sausage.. spicy plzz...

loads of cheese and chilli flakes! yuum

i took the squirrel from work... and apparently he loves playing wif it..

after our date.... home sweet home..

simple yet a great date after 6 days of working.... wens the next, yang??

Am BBBACK!

2009-06-04T15:25:00.002+08:00

after ages of not posting.. 1 month ++ to be exact... here i am... able to find a time to finally update my blog...

latest updates abt myself...

currently spending almost everyday at GV, working my ass off...
spending close to everyday meeting my beloved.
have accepted NUS offer in Computing.
havnt had time to meet any frenz due to irregular shift..

guess.. tats it...

ohhh ya.... camping at tanj pinang! and meeting the kids after tat... weeeeeeeeeeeee

i hate being broke... haiz.......

im so exhausted.. barely slept last nyte...... i wannnna nap..... muax!

loveeeeeee uu

lalalala..

2009-04-30T15:28:00.004+08:00

after weeks of chiong-ing the project... i guess its done? all the stupid debugging problem... leaves me headache everytime i look at the project. so far im left documentation. im left wif one week of work and 4 more days of leave. shiok! im gonna take leave next week.... wed half day, since i got elp duty tat day.. haiz.. sadded

its den time to revamp the multiply and work my ass off at gv... hopefully none of the patrons have swine flu... haiz... talking abt tat flu, im so worried abt him.. dang.. haiz.. haiz!

arghh, miz him again.. and the next time i get to meet him is ermm sat? ubin!!!!!! i miz tat place... weee... cycling again!

and sun will be dads family day, and its gonna be at bird park? how cheapskate is tat? i prefer last year's... its at the flyers! oh well... im so gonna be bored there...

looking forward to the weekend... im super looking forward for the next few weeks.... i cant wait for tat mini holiday... shhhh

im taking off the whole of next week.. haha.. clearing my leave.. shiokness! if only..... hmmm muax muax....

i love the effect of dis photo.... hahakz..

Tamp1

2009-04-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

i still feel tired after sleeping for abt 9hrs? haiz...

wanted to go gv to write my request down, and irsyad wanna get his polo t at TM.... mum decided to go to my relative place to pass her sum stuff tat she bought in malacca.

called ibu, and told her to meet at tamp... hav lunch b4 going over her place..

met kinda late, at abt 2.30... had our lunch at bali thai.... for 9 person, total bill $168! expensive but nice place..

den wrote my request down b4 heading to gior to buy irsyad's polo.... after tat, we decided to head to tamp1... to get my auntie's annes... i love the pretzel... yum yum... but the amt of ppl is OMG!

the opening was on thur... haiz.. so many ppl, i didnt get to walk in peace... but the bez ting is, theres gonna be jco!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i so love tamp1...

yangggg... i wan the black couple ring!

HOSpital

2009-04-12T10:54:00.001+08:00

reached back in sg on sat morn.... tiring... slept for a while... at abt 1pm woke up, bought lunch for the family and my relatives.. since both my aunts and their hubby are at home... i bought lotsa food for all... good feast!

wen i reached home, i got the news tat 2 of my cousin are in hosp, warded... super shocked! one is in CGH and the other SGH...

after having our lunch, we all went in 2 cars.. i drove my cuzzie's car coz he's tired and wanna sleep... my aunt sat in my car coz she knows the way to SGH, while my parents sat in my uncle's car...

first stop was to cgh, since its nearer.. and heard tat airy was in icu.

suzhaire(airy) was warded his heart was inflamed.... bacterial or sth, i dunno... but pity him... he was in icu but since he's stabilise they put him in the normal ward. his nose bleed and every nyte his heart will be in pain... his fever keep rising and decreasing.. man, he's only 20... haiz... i really hope he's ok.. he looked so pale... they keep taking his blood for testing purposes.. we stayed for a while... talked to him and stuff... we left after abt an hour for our next destination... gave him a quick hug and go off... *pray hard tat he's gonna be fine.*

drove to sgh... its an ez route, if i were to go nus... juz exit outram and u'll c nus ryte in front :D
saw zanna... dis gal... has gastric problem tats y shes warded... and they claim tat moz probably shes stress.. stress = gastric? doesnt make sense... dotz... ohh well... tats wat a nurse claim also.. hers not so serious.. i've been living wif gastric since sec sch... and im still alive! hehe...

im more worried abt airy... insya'allah he's gonna be fine..

later tat nyte, went over to bugis to meet amin... miz him so much! and its only 2 days... dotz dotz...... bought him dinner and have our supper 2gether in the hosp.. muax.. i love u

been AGES!

2009-03-31T15:41:00.004+08:00

almost 2 weeks since i last blog... lotsa tings to blog abt, but im juz lazy...

haiz.. life is pretty the same every week.... simply work, work and work.

i havnt been able to wake up early for the past 1 week. my whole body are deteorating. I deserve a break... i deserve to rot.... i wish i could juz rot for 3D2N... tv, junks, bed... (wif him, of course.. :p)

remember how u celebrate ur first month-sary wif ur partner? was tat the sweetest memories since its the first time u both celebrate as a couple? do both of u buy stuff for each other? or basically juz spend time wif each other? do u look forward to tat day?

i could forsee mine....

theres dis book.... tat says, wen u feel u've given alot to the relationship, pull back a little so tat u could feel the love given by ur partner.. sumtimes one party gives alot in the relationship, and he/she feels that the love are not received on the same level. pull back a little..... give the other party a chance to prove his/her love..... and if after tat, u still dun feel it.... it juz mean sth, doesnt it?

love u yang... plz get well soon.. i miss u already.

Random Thoughts

2009-03-18T09:31:00.001+08:00

went to dinner at simpang wif the cuzzies yday.... as always, tats our hang out place.

we talk and gossips... wats new ryte? only until sum1 touch on dis topic, it set me pondering, "wat if u all dun like my partner?"

to tink of it, ya.. wat if they dun like him? wat if they tink his jokes are way sarcastic... and his sarcasm is too much?

as i told dem, "at the end of the day, i wan my immediate family and u all to like my partner. i dun really care abt the rez of the family since its not gonna change anyting."

and they are all getting insecure. esp her.... i understand it well enuf, dun wori... we'll back u up! she can say watever she wan abt u, but if u noe its not true, den 4get abt her. i learned.... care ONLY for sum1 who cares abt us. and the ting is she doesnt care abt us, since the start.

i cant wait to meet azhar and shafiq(is tat how u spell his name, dia?). im sure im gonna like dem, if they like me as well.. hehe

cant wait for our triple date. amin amin amin, lets have a date, shall we?

juz ranting

2009-03-16T09:19:00.003+08:00

im too exhausted to blog or update abt the weekend, mayb i shall after dis post. ryte now.. i juz feel like ranting.

y do sumtimes i feel so unimportant? izzit wrong or too much to noe certain tings abt tat sum1?

esp wen tat sum1 is super close to u.

sumtimes i wish i knew.... sumtimes i wish im not being kept in the dark... sumtimes i wish i wont get to noe from other ppl. sumtimes i wish i wont be the last to find out.

heck... at the end of the day.... i wish im important.. i wish i could feel important.

Casuarina Curry

2009-03-11T23:50:00.004+08:00

amin pick me up at toa payoh after work. head down to dis budget shop and we decided to pack to goodie bags for the kids again! the stuff there are super cheap, if only amin has a car, i would have bought much more..

we head to harbourfront area coz he tot, they are having dinner there. had our maghrib at masjid temenggong? is tat how u spell it. super nice place. big and calm. i felt like its home.

after much discussion wif his frenz, they all decided to head down to casuarina curry at old upper thomson road. i was super tired and hungry already, its already 8++.

reached there, ordered the food.... havnt meet his frenz for quite sum time. used to meet dem alot wen they are still schooling. so well... 4 couples went for dinner. its quite ermm, wats tat word! sweet.. no warm.. it feels heart-warming to be knowing each other partners. tat isnt the correct word aniway. ohh watever.

the 4 couples.

sum of the food tat we ordered.

amin showing farz his thosai combo.

aini and zack

the food! yum yum yum

aini wif tat funny looking hair

all of us!

reached home late... yawn..

Another Crazy Weekend

2009-03-09T15:47:00.000+08:00

i officially announce tat my weekends are hectic every week.... dotz! ohhh well..

anyway.. last fri work eos! change timing wif fendi so instead of coming at 8pm im supposed to reach at 6pm. told mgr tat i could only make it by 7pm coz i need to get my uniform at home.

cabbed home, took all my stuff.. rush work, 'wash up' abit and work... hectic! full house! full house! esp marley and me, and watchmen... bloody valentines too...

in gv tamp, theres 3D for bloody valentines... i have to go thru lotsa shocking moments watching tat show.. damn! esp wen i have to stand by tat cinema... stupid!

marley and me make me cry! arggh.. almost choke in tears.

watchmen leave me confused at the end, coz they keep killing each other and theres no bad guys in the show. lotsa bad reviews from those patrons leaving the cinema

coming soon is nice for those who love horror! nc16 tho, im so afraid to watch it. so i'll always wait till the patrons start going out of the cinema den i open the door. i dun even wanna peek in!

push is good tho many say its boring.

cant remember wat other shows, there is.. hehe... mayb not nice at all tats y never catch my attention.

anyway.... i reach home at 3.30am, coz gotta wait for the projectionist.

slept nearly 4am, woke up did sum house hold chores and get ready to go fidah's place. shes getting married 2day! super excited... first friend marriage!

sum pics...

the pelamin and deco.. very simple...

fidah, the bride... pretty

the groom..

nowadays everyone using kuda kepang....

he's so cute wen he silat

photo session

wif the colleague

different angle.

left shortly after tat, need to work at 6.30pm. thanks to aidil, fana's guy for sending me home or i have to cab back.

work eos again! and dis time its worse, all lotsa ppl.... me and jerome nearly died of exhaustion. sumore i was in charge of 3d again, and dis time 2 glasses lost! stupid. simply coz theres abt 180 ppl, and i was alone as jerome was holding the trash bag outside.... dumb!

reach home later den usual coz i could only sanitize the glasses after clearing all the cinemas. slack in the mgr office, exhausted!

slept at 4++am.. couldnt sleep. woke up kinda late on sun.... at 12pm?

slack for a while b4 heading off to bugis to meet amin. brought sum leftover pizzas from home. since mum, dad and akir is not arnd for the weekend, me and irsyad order canadian pizza... ate 3 small slice, brought 2 for amin... and irsyad ate the rez which is like 7 slice? dotz....

head off to town... first time step in al-falah... love the place, big and spacious. walked arnd, got his adidas slack pants.... and went for dinner at newton... tats my first time going there.... haha.... seriously, first time. it was good, the food... super full after tat!

amin send me home, tho i told him not to do so since its already 10pm. and guess wat there is at home, canadian pizza again! mum went to order coz akir wans pizza so much..

chill for a while b4 heading to bed.... im super exhausted!

Amazed - Lonestar

2009-03-06T11:36:00.000+08:00

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me, baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you

p/s: dedicated to u

3A1 Newsletter

2009-03-04T09:24:00.002+08:00

hajar uploaded dis in fb... its freaking long ago..... i totally forgot abt it. sec 3? tat was 7 years ago.

it all started wen our form teacher , ms ang, asked sum1 to do a magazine for the class... so me and hajar volunteered to do it....

who says im a nice kid? i was freaking evil...... looking at watever we wrote tat days, how evil can tat be??? dang.... i wish me and hajar didnt write all those, it muz hurt dem den. but actually, its all true... ermm... haha.... its juz a good laugh for me now.

the main cover page.

written by madan, zin and val..

bez compo by zin.... shes superb in english...

i truly cant remember abt dis.... hahahaha

wiyah and izzat draw and colored dis.... both of dem are talented in art. tho it look like its stripped off from gila-gila

dis facts... ermm.... zac im sory!! haha...

dis rumours.... is super evil! especially the first place.... dang... shes our classmate! how the heck did i even come up wif tat... dotzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sum pics of the classmate. all look so different now..

and ermm... yeah... i still tink im an evil kid!

Bina Insani... yet again!!

2009-03-02T16:50:00.003+08:00

decided to go bina insani wif amin last thur-fri, since both of us cant go on the 14-15... and amin wans to celebrate his bday wif the kids...

he bake brownies for dem while i prepare sum goodie bags.... thur morn, off we went to TMFT. took the first ferry, reached there at abt 10am (indo time).

ayahnda picked us up as indra has no vehicle. lotsa kids in the car.... saw yuda! haha... he's still super super cute.

wen we reached, we went over to their 'office'. a few visitors and pak ali was there... they were all discussing abt the maulud happening in 2 more weeks. so me and amin juz sat in the room, talking to indra and listening to their convo.

dis time, while we are lotsa tings unfold... politics....... image vs the kids upbringing. dang..... i hate to juz be the outsiders and not do aniting..... bonda wasnt arnd, was back home as the dad is sick. left ayahnda... and clearly, he doesnt seem happy.... it muz be tough for him managing more den 30 kids alone... wen usually bonda is the one doing the job..

ayahnda, pak habib and i cant remember who is the middle guy.

amin talking to the 'elders'

they made dis and paste it on the walls in the 'office'

at last! the masjid is finished... pretty!

after zohor, ayahnda sent us over to dis busstop where the kids will gather and wait for their bus.... almost 3 hours of wait everyday for dem. pity dem. the moment, we shout, "assalamualaikum", their face immediately change. those walking to the busstop, ran to meet us..... from tired and hungry, bcame smiley and cheerful.

and as always, my camera will be captured by the kids.... and all of us will start to camwhore

the stretch of road where kids are running almost everywhere even on the road

all of us there... indra took dis shot for us.

sum statue tingy tat susi took

ayahnda's kijang....

after sum time, we went off in ayahnda's kijang to buy sum bananas and green beans for tat nyte.

its so difficult as bonda is not arnd..... tiha is the one like over looking the whole ting. we wanted to buy chickens for dem, but since tat nyte they are having guests and food will be provided. we decided not to.

after asar we wanted to go kolam and bathe, but they have sum meetings wif the teachers there... and they have to do piket, which means clearing the place up.

we only manage to go kolam at abt 5++ we are supposed to be back at 6pm. which means we cant bathe. dang....

after maghrib, baca yassin and all... had our isyak and the kids were gone.. since they have guest.

so i take dis opportunity to chill while indra bekam amin. i always wonder how he can withstand the pain, esp wen indra use dis sharp tingy to poke the skin for the blood to ooze out. sumwat gross to me! and it does hurt, i saw tears in his eyes once in a while. dis bekam tingy, i dunno wat izzit called in english. basically wat it does is to get rid of dirty blood.

after we are done, we went out and were shocked to c the kids sitting in a line.. singing songs while andre playing the guitar.... its super heart warming... all the videos are uploaded in fb tho.

dis is their nasi kotak (box rice), all the dishes are packed into a small plastic and water are packed in it too.. didnt take any pic of it.... its cheap and taste good!

the goodie bag i pack for dem.... us......

the nyte end wif me sleeping 2gether wif the guys in the room.... weird, but i was too tired to go out and go to the gals room. but the kids are already like part of my family..... my head was on the mattress while the body is on the floor... amin, cheat! he slp on the mattress... was closing my eyes and felt sth pressing against my head... one of the kids are actually sleeping wif his head touching mine. one mattress, 3 kids + my head. hehe...

and tats rahmat...

the next day, wait for the kids to go sch, had our bfast.... played wif monkey... they have a pet and its a monkey..... its a she... and she was having menses! no kidding... the butt was bloody red.... gross!

at abt 9am (indo time), ayahnda send us to the hotel we decided to stay for another nyte. hotel panorama, nice place.... in the car, he was expressing everything tat he kept, letting out everyting.. i pity him but i dunno how to help.. :(

indra was wif us thruout..... went to eat nasi padang...... had our "shopping". the next day we go back in the morn......

overall tiring, but fun..... i miz the kids already again! one of the kid was saying tat i have to stay there for 2 years.

haiz, everytime i go there i have to thru a detachment process wif the kids.

i miz my baby akas... met my boy, sidi tho!

ohh ya did i mention one of the kids made me a necklace? pearl necklace... but its wif amin now.... sweeeet

amin, lets go there again shall we?!

amin's bday!

2009-02-25T22:51:00.005+08:00

happy birthday to uuuu
happy birthday to uuu
happy birthday to dear amin!
happy birthday toooo uuuuuuuuuu...

celebrated his bday yday.... spend lotsa on his bday.... :)

asked him to rent a car, coz i dun wan to be riding on his bike wif a dress! anyway, he rented a white nissan march, super small and cute... and i managed to drive it! its only 40bucks a day tho its manual. and it doesnt use up alot of petrol... 20bucks of petrol for the whole day.

asked him to pick me up....

we ate at grand hyatt hotel, straits kitchen. the food there are all asian food... nice and heaven! but i didnt really eat alot..... did i?

the color theme: purple..

theres gado2, satay, popiah basah, carrot cake, indian food (naan, tikka, tandoori, keema......) and seriously lotsa more..

us

while he was taking sum food, i get the manager(the one in black) to help me do a surprise celebration for him. i was super excited esp wen he say, during the dessert time, they will do it!
there was abt 5-7 crews singing a bday song for him! hehehe sweet....

he was blushing!!!

trying to hide the shyness by laughing!

the bday cake! i laughed like mad seeing it... pandan cake wif a pineapple tart on it, and sum biscuit tingy by the side... it so doesnt go well together.... haha

last pic of us for the day..................................

we "end" the nyte by me giving him his bday present..... boxing gloves by everlast and an unfilled punching bag. and also.. 3 red roses that bloom to the max!

the next day (which is juz now in the morn) we decided to go to giant tampines.. i need to get sum stuff for the kids... preparing goodie bags for dem... to think of it, im going to bina insani 2mrw!!!!

amin let me drive dis time! i seriously have a problem wif direction... thank god amin is super2 patience wif my driving. haha... its fun to hit 80km/h since while learning i cant go more den 60!

my first parking! yeah yeah yeah.. it wasnt as difficult as it seems to be..

reached home super shagged, packed the goodie bag, pack my bag, went tuition....

amiiinnn! hope u had fun 2day!

Weekend CRAZE (MAT & BBQ)

2009-02-23T09:02:00.003+08:00

im juz gonna sum up my weekend, lazy leh...

sat was woken up early in the morn in a weird funny way by amin... u wouldnt wanna noe how..

supposed to meet him at 1pm at outram and zoom to fort canning... but it started to rain, so we get kak jam to pick us up at health promotion board. apparently amin has classes there....

met him, set his hair... for the first time i saw him wif mohawk hair (and i tink he look good in it)

den went over to fort canning.... overall it was simple.... very simple, and hot! no aircon, juz fan... pretty hot for me... tho it was raining, but everyting kinda went well....

our table... no.15

tat mohawk hair

he's so bz... thank god sue was there to keep me company... for her, BB was oso very bz... dotz... keep going arnd talking to ppl....

sue and kak jam

PPI got an award.. how sweet. each of us even get a cert

the "mean girls", miz dem lotsa... they were there thruout those painful moments during PPI

illias the "pimp"

the gals..

us!

after all the cam whoring, amin send me home, thanks dude or i'll be late for work! was working tat nyte... tiring!

sun woke up super late... since mom was in pain, i cooked lunch for the family... fish head curry and sausage omelette.. yum yum!

den in the later afternoon, bake sum cakes. it was the time i tried tat cake mix... taste quite ok, but i wish i knew what shd i put to make the taste better.. darn. it was the first time and i dun tink its tat nice tho amin keep saying its nice.

met him later tat nyte, coz we going east coast... his clinics having bbq and he brought me along... his colleagues are great! they celebrated his bday last week and the present they give him was a couple tshirt.. how sweet is tat? so i got a present too! hehe... and all of them are always on my side....

didnt really take much pics, i was bz playing cards and eating wateva amin was feeding me.

i love wearing his caps.. :)

the couple tshirt, by kappa..

the amt of food tat we both eat, there was still so many leftovers!

he ate all tat himself.... trust me!

Official Driving License

2009-02-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

Got my license!! alhamdulillah...

tho i got 10 demerit points, it was good enuf... out of the 20++ students, im out of the 6 who passed.

woke up early in the morn, not really early.. at abt 9am.... got a msg from amin saying he already reach mac.... *he took leave to accompany me for driving.. thx dude!

washed up and stuff, 'dressed' myself up, went to prime area and take photo.. gotta bring a passport size photo for the license if u pass.

soon after met amin at mac... he was "studying". den he gave me a good news.. he's getting dis long service award at MAT on sat... happy for him, but on the other tot.. i'll be alone.. ohh welll

chatted and stuff b4 heading to my bfast... den head down to ubi for my warm up session.

he sent me and went off to a lib to rez... he's tired.. soryy for "dragging" u along..

had my warm up session, it was ok... still got "scolded" and stuff.. hehe... for the whole day i wasnt feeling nervous or aniting.... not even abit... was a good idea to meet him :)

it was 11.30 den, i parked the car myself! wif his guide tho... all the cars beside me, their instructor is the one who take over the wheels, but philip let me park myself. cool.... look right and left, both the student look super worried.. i on the other hand still laughing and joking wif philip.

went inside to the waiting area, put my ic and stuff there and went out. apparently all the other instructors asked the student to stay inside and juz leaving dem there. philip on the other hand, asked me out, relax and drink tea.. haha.. good ting, it calm my nerves abit.

went in, supposedly theres a briefing. but i enter wen the briefing is almost over.. hehe... we juz sat there and wait for the tester to come. i was among the first few to be called.. went to the car... did circuit... first mistake, i heard him say, "turn to wide, uhz".. in my heart was, "shit!"

but after tat everything was smooth, didnt cock up any station... weeeee.

till the ebreak, for a split second i look at him and stop. he said, "too late." damn shocked la.... u were happily driving, suddenly he tap.. i was abt to ask, "is everything ok?" haha... for tat split sec, and its considered late... tats like 4 points gone.

went out of circuit... everyting was ok, till i saw amin at the back thru the side mirror... shocked! haha. and bcoz of him i got delayed in moving off... dotz lehh... but super sweet to c him at the back loh..

i got the route, where i have to go up a steep slope... and it was red light. had to stop..... wen it turn green, did my half clutch, release handbrake and go... thank god it didnt stall.. or insufficient acceleration... pheeww!

den go back to ubi..... parked my car, and the tester said, "follow me to the office."

and suddenly, my legs went all wobbly... like jelly.... i was struggling to walk, or follow him. get out of the car, saw amin there.... smiled at him.. tried to find philip, but didnt c him admist the crowd.

amin follow me up... he super cute la.... following me arnd.. went into their office, and sat there... everything juz went blank... like a death sentence sia! even those after me went first... i was the last...

the tester called me, went over to him... saw the paper..... first ting i saw, dang so many demerit points.... den i saw congratulations and bla bla bla.... so did i pass or fail?

he turn over the paper, and i saw 10 demerit points, passed! my heart juz jump up and down....... alhamdulillah.... after explaining my mistakes went out and c amin! gave him a hug!! i keep telling him, i wanna c my instructor.... i wanna share it wif my instructor too... he deserve it better den others.

called him and went over to him.. show him the slip.... he smiled.. im sure he's happy, all his students dis days passed. after saying bye and stuff to him, went back in.

those who passed have to watch dis 10mins video... must watch b4 u can get ur license. while watching the video, tats where i realise theres only 6 ppl inside.

queue for the license, another long wait... gotta pay 50bucks to get license! so expensive.....

i tink all in all i paid abt $1.7K?

cant wait to drive! weee.... thanks to god.... my instructor and amin....... and the rez of u who wish me luck b4 the test!

tears

2009-02-16T15:31:00.002+08:00

i read... i wonder... was it bcoz of me? did i make the wrong step?

did i get too close and start it wrongly?

was it wrong tat i love him? did i steal him away? or was it juz coincidence?

was it bcoz i made the first move?

i wanna feel special... more special den her.

will i ever achieve tat?

the love given wasnt even half as wat was given to her.

hang my head low, tears welling up, i turned and walk away.

back to work!

2009-02-16T09:02:00.004+08:00

*pics updated

once again its monday...... after another "tiring" weekend.. ohh well.. im always tired everyday... be it weekday or weekend...

how was ur vday ppl???? mine??? hmmmm... i was working the nyte b4.... and had supper wif hazuan, diyana, fendi and kevin.. as always mac... crapping wif dem, and seeing dem smoke... i reached home only nearing 5..

at 7++ am.. i work up, went eunos and get my pretty cupcakes.... woo! i love manoj's cupcakes.... (www.foodinfinity.com)

after tat met fana for a while at pr mac.... b4 going home. slept for another hour b4 going out again to meet amin.... wasnt a celebration.... juz lunch 2gether.... gave him the cupcakes and the handmade card... while he bake for me brownies.... and i got a blue rose! weeeee.... delicious brownies dear! we ate at zac... sumwhere near bugis, the food is heaven.......... cheap and nice..... not a fancy restaurant.. but its quiet and peaceful....

den, cab down to mum's fren place... its her bday.... it was grand, in a multi-purpose hall... and she's way past 21.... :p so well.. there was food and crowd.. and kuda kepang.... it was hell fun.... after so long!!! abt kuda kepang... hmm... the guys there are kinda hot. oh well, amin ur hotter..

for those who dunno wat kuda kepang is abt... basically a bunch of ppl 'riding' on their own 'horses' getting possessed and are able to eat/step glass, getting whipped, peeling off the husk of the coconut using their mouth and lotsa stuff. weird, but becareful... these tings inside their body are ermm.. evil? so always look from afar, u dun wan these tings to come after u..

i was watching tat show for a few hours, accompany mum.. dunno y shes so excited abt.... dotz.. den cabbed down to ubi for driving... didnt have time to change, basically i was driving barefooted, wif a dress.. hehe

driving was ok, in the circuit... did everyting... im still nervous over the test.. shit!

finish driving, take my time..... went bugis, wait till he finish his work. exhausted, freaking tired.. almost slept at the couch watching hbo. hehe...

had our "supper" b4 heading back home... he send me to dis busstop and wait till a cab arrive. and den home sweet home.

long super tiring day... dang....

i've yet to upload my pics.... will do so soon.

i dun believe in spending the whole day going out, to a fancy restaurant.. give expensive presents and make it extravaganza juz bcoz its vday..... our day is simple.. but its memorable in our own way... i rather save tat extra money for his birthday and our holiday.

its next week!!! one whole week... weeeee

pics time!

i gave him cupcakes and a handmade card. dang, i 4got to take pics of the cupcakes....

i draw it all myself... hehe... trace it off the comp.....

dis pic is so cute... dale looks like dale, but chip.... hmm.. no idea!

something which i take weeks to do... not ez k!

amin gave me a blue rose! juz one stalk is enuf to make my day... love the colour combination....

he bake for me brownies tooooo.... sweeeeet!

heart-shaped... pink! i love the hersheys kisses.... yum2.... sweet and nice! :) full of choc chips and nuts... love it!

the food... we ate at zac.. nice mediterranean food, cheaper den amirah's grill... and taste damn good! i dun tink theres any gst or service charge, coz after adding everyting, the price is the same as the bill.... 33bucks... cheap!

my fave calamari..... abt 7 bucks..

my sausage platter... looks little, but i was actually feeling super uber full. couldnt even finish the mashed potato.... dis is $7.50?

i cant remember wat izzit called... but sum lamb tingy.. taste good and so much bigger and cheaper den secret recipe

dis is abt $15.

plus our drinks, it totalled up to 33.. cheap la! gonna eat there again

that priceless expression that captures my heart.. *loves*

BLOGGING!!

2009-02-11T09:49:00.001+08:00

its been almost a month since i last blog. i truly have no idea wat to blog anymore.. tho theres lotsa tings happening arnd me.

i dun understand how ppl can be so paranoid abt their surroundings. my name is the highest in the blacklisted list among sum cuzzins...

i tot it was all over, but its not... the topic has to come out again... marriage marriage! i dun understand y do they have to keep pointing fingers arnd and there goes my name..

i cant wait for it to happen.... orang yang bongkak akan dapat balasannya(arrogant ppl will get their retribution one day).

im down here, happily looking from afar, laughing at their stupidity and childishness....

wuhoo! vday dis sat... how are u all gonna celeb vday?! it will be packo day for me (not tat i have lotsa dates!) but 'll b so bz wif driving and attending a bday celeb.. and going out wif him.

me and fana did sth crazy dis year..... tinking back, it looks like 2 teenage gals snooping arnd their mum's stuff and use it to impress the guy they have a crush on. we cant stop laughing.... im not going to post the pic yet! wait till vday is over.

amin's bday is round the corner.. im so excited! hehehe............ i've got everyting planned at the back of my head. i made him find a purple shirt for tat occasion:).. excited excited!!!!!

anyway, is anybody free on the 14-15th march? lets go out shall we?

*watch out for more!

BORING!

2009-01-15T17:36:00.003+08:00

i havnt blog for quite sum time...

i have simply no idea wat to blog abt....

life is indeed boring! haiz..

no cuzzies to hang out.... everyone wanna sulk.. and im left alone!

k, i lied.. not really alone..

i still have bff wif me. :) *smiles*

and my other frenz... those irritating fickle-minded gals and guy. [ohh i still love 3 of u!] :p

so now my schedule for the week is, work from mon-fri in nyp.... gv fri-sun(depends on availability on my part).. and tuitoring on tue and thur at nyte...

i feel like getting more students... hmm.. work work!

seriously im only left wif mon, wed for my own stuff.... and tat is to meet bff especially, if bff is free..

gotta start saving money! gagagaa...

im working dis weekend again! cant believe CNY is coming soon.. which means can work in GV.. wuhoo! double pay...

gotta stock up on my food supplies at work. its empty now...

i've been a good girl and doing work for the past one week... thanks to stephie for helping me do the css... im a super css noob! i juz cant understand tat language... haiz..

on the other hand, im doing my php.... all hard code! no using dreamweaver's code... tough! shitty..

its so sad.. to get ur pay 2day... and its all gone due to alot of tings.. im sad i cant shop... tats the only way for me to release stress.... ohh..

im so gonna die once the contract is over.. no more monthly pay.... no more shopping spree.. no more online shopping.... argghh! im so sad.... how would i live den???????????

going to be 6! packed bag... zoooooooom to tamp, get sum assessment books and zoom to my students house.

BFF ZOOM ZOOM!

p/s: i know im crapping in dis post.

ARgghH!

2009-01-08T17:30:00.000+08:00

i dun wanna ask so much..

i dun wanna sound desperate..

i hope the msg will come soon..

coz my heart is filled wif anxiety...

it sux wen u keep waiting for an sms... esp wen u dun tink tat person will sms u.. ya, its as simple as sms-ing first...

arghh.. enuf is enuf... not gonna do tat anymore... i always start it, and the convo will always end at the other party's side..

its time for a change... u start it, i end it.

period.

I choose to....

2009-01-06T09:16:00.001+08:00

I choose to love you in silence,
for in silence I find no rejection.

I choose to love you in loneliness,
for in loneliness no one owns you but I.

I choose to adore you from a distance,
for distance will shield us from pain.

I choose to kiss you in the wind,
for the wind is gentler than my lips.

I choose to hold you in my dreams,
for in my dreams you have no end.

sth which i've hold on to for years.... b4 i start to open up the heart... shd i seal it up again? coz in my heart, u'll always be the one...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2009-01-02T09:40:00.008+08:00

first thing first, im gonna wish everyone HAPPY NEW YEAR!

time pass so fast... and without knowing, 08 is gone.. i didnt celebrate christmas or new year by going town or wateva not.. basically working or spending time wif loved ones..

haiz, kak iqah is going back 2day, and i wont get to send her off... come back soon ya!! take care! i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

so many tings are happening in the family, wats so exciting abt the new year anyway.. ppl are making rash decisions... i cant wait for all dis to end... tho i dunno wen will it ever end... who cares... i learnt not to care abt dis tings.... y shd i care abt ppl who dun care abt demself... and wen everyting goes wrong, i can stand up and say, "i told u so......................"

haha.. evil me! well.. im never nice anyway, not to sum ppl..

dis is one year tat im looking forward to.... tho no resolutions dis year simply bcoz i'll forget dem or will never follow it! haha... but dis year.... 3 marriages happening... ehh no! since kak ikin getting married end of dis month.. and kak D is getting married next month... hmmmm... tats 5? and mayb all of us will get married by dis year too... since its as simple as, "da jodohhhh...... nak buat pe kan....."

"bang, kawin yok!!!! da jodohhhhh laaa......"

weee! so exciting....... anybody wanna join the "Let's Get Married Instantly" campaign as introduced by kak ikin? i'll be the 3rd in the list.. as we all know who is the first and second..

ohh enuf of sarcasm.. 2nyte, having my own time.. my own fun.... away from anyone... juz meee... and u! weeeeeeeee...

aniway....

dis are sum pics taken during christmas eve.... the gifts exchange wif the colleague..

qin get stephie... its an orange shoe bag..

i got jazs.. a small black make up bag.. so pretty! hehe

jazs get qin... an anna sui wrislet

kai get me... a chip and dale bottle!! and a choco baby chocolate... haha

n lastly stephie get kai... its paperclips and sum stickers for her organisers.

our presents....

the sweets and cookies for everyone..

and lastly... me! i love dis shot.. black and white... pretty!

after work... did my hair... man! i stayed in the saloon for almost 3 hours? color, treatment and wash and blow... exhausteD! had a 'date'... long story short... we meet up, we talked, we walk... sweet simple evening..

us.......................................................

ice cream! nice....... yum yum!

our mocha tingy.... i couldnt finish it...

the last pic of the day.... thanks for the evening...

PISSED

2008-12-29T11:37:00.002+08:00

i was so pissed i almost teared... even mum understood...

personal attack? well.. i gave a good ans didnt i? u were too angry, or were u embarrased to look into my face? weirdo...

talking to dem makes me feel better.. thx loads..

on the happier note, sumbody gave me a surprise at work... hehe.. food and drink, wen i was hungry and tired.. it lighten my mood wen i c the smile and the wink... i love u lotsa..

cuzzies, 2nyte how...?

SMILE!!!

2008-12-22T14:39:00.000+08:00

The pics for her wedding..

my cuzzie.. pretty...! gorgeous as always!

the hantaran from the guys side...

a pierre cardin watch.

sum zebra looking shoes... super high, i like..

a bag from ermm? i dunno...

perfume?

all 17 dulang of hantaran....

the mas kahwin... a necklace..

sum of those from the guys side.

the akad nikah process..

n cam whoring!!!!!!

wif the bride's family..

cuzzins!

crazy pic of us..

angah who is very sombong now..

akir, me and imran... was talking to him.. my same age cuzzin.

candid...

pose dearies!

im not in the pic... c how nadia was hugging irsyad? she n her sis cant leave irsyad alone.. haha... so cute... he's still their + ibu's boy.. :)

im not in again.. i heard them calling my name.. but i was in the kitchen.. on the phone.. talking to..............................

n tats me!!!! wif my punjab suit... dunno y me, kak iqah, nadia, adeq, and nun wore tat... ohh well, i love mine. dad paid for it of course!

wif the family...

my cutey nephew give me a scare... his body was so hot, temp keep rising n decreasing for the whole day... cik nah did sum stuff.... ohh.. he was crying and screaming for his ayah... muz be in pain wen cik nah pressed on the toes... apparently sth followed.. he was warded yday.. hopefully he'll be alryte.

my aziq! who talks crap all the time... haha.. i love him loads... super manja..

haslam and along! dis small boy takes ages to warm up....

potpourri.. smells nice.

n lastly meee! was 'begging' abg farhan to take a pic of me.. n he suddenly juz snap.. nasib sempat pose..

nadia and kak ikin, im still waiting for our pics from ur camera!! upload in facebook darlings!

ohh ya.... the word of the day is "SMILE". i dun understand y are u not smiling wen its ur wedding.... i so forsee our relationship in future..

my future hubb will be smiling geefully.... whoeva u r, u muz k! :)

Official?

2008-12-22T10:07:00.000+08:00

its been ages.... 2 weeks... of bday celeb, batam, kak fati's nikah and confessions after confessions! its out... finally...

i've yet to even take pics of my bday prezzies.. ohh wait, did abg farhan post it up in facebook? he did..

let me juz rant in dis post! pics later.

a week ++ more till kak iqah goes back.. n tat leaves 3 of us, how sadded... we have lost another chick! haiz...

im feeling overwhelmed... wif emotions... tings happen so fast..

its time sth gotta be done.

as much as i wanna blog... theres lotsa tings which i couldnt say yet..

its there but not official. i love u.

After a LOOOng Time

2008-12-21T15:22:00.001+08:00

after weeks of planning... we met up.... out of abt 20 in the class.. 7 turn up... i reached first.. followed by shene.. both of us were damn hungry.... jx reached soon after.. we decide to head to pizza hut first... and the plan was to order munchies b4 they reach... oh well.. since we are all super hungry, we ordered the food for everyone... hehe

y me and shene laughing? we tot we wanna use self timer, but it didnt work.. at the end, the staff there took it for us.. haha

the 4 of us..

rico and bear came at 8.30pm.. wen we supposed to meet at 6.30..

i dunno how 7 of us can fit in the pics below.. guess we squeezeeeed!

if only the rez is there or yj is there.. it will be even more fun!

c ya all again!

Pizza Hut Pics

2008-12-12T09:03:00.007+08:00

The food that we ordered... half of it only btw.

while waiting for the food to come, as usual.. camwhoring!!

my chip and dale book.. i simply love it!

cute cute cute!

kai, wif her bday present. sum filter lens..

and her $20 CK voucher..

nice!

her bday card..one is printed and the other, qin draw... looks the same huh?

my bday card and the book!

ohh.. choc! long time..........

they draw and wrote demself... love it!

n dis is is the surprise bday cake! nice.. heaven!

our cards!

qin and jaz..

qin and stephie

me and kai.... sweeeet wide smile! :p

kai and stephie....

us wif the bday cake!

make a wish yani!

still making the wish...

at last we juz decided to blow it...

Work & Raya...

2008-12-09T11:10:00.003+08:00

was working the whole weekend.... fri nyte, sat nyte and sun morn..

super exhausted.... but its fun... love working... crapping wif dem, laughter and bitching all the time.. and most of all get to watch movie for free.. hehe

anyway, they have lotsa biscuits at work.. im still wondering where they got all those choc wafers. peanuts biscuits and all the other biscuits... so wenever we are hungry, we'll juz go to the managers room and take sum biscuits.. :) yum yum!

anyway... gv tamp is the only cinema tat has 3D for bolt... only cinema for gv yes, only cinnema in sg im not sure...

the glasses... haiz... super irritating.... i wish its gonna be over soon... gotta count the glasses and make sure everyone return it at the end of the show.. wash and sanitize it at the end of every show and get it ready for the next show... all in the interval of 30-40mins.. rushing all the time!

n yeah, i stayed throughout the whole of bolt movie wearing the glasses.. dun like it.. doesnt feel comfortable, i guess im juz tired tat sun.. coz sat i work till 2 am..

anyway bro went bina insani sun-mon.. how i miz the kids.. i wish i could go... but its hari raya haji.. its always fun to celeb it in kampung.. mayb next year! i never like hari raya haji in sg, its so boring..

ohh.. i so wanna go bina insani again.. i miz my boys and my gals.. esp akas n sidi.. hehe.. :)

i still owe bonda 2 iron....moz prolly next month im going there? stay over one nyte... anybody wanna go?

i've made up my mind.. made my decision... even if its gonna break a few hearts.. its others happiness or mine.. choose one?

Chip and Dale!

2008-12-05T16:30:00.001+08:00

juz now during lunch... all of us went out for lunch... went pizza hut, to celebrate kai's bday.... ordered our food, since we look like students... we were given student price, if only they knew... anyway.. they give kai her present, n sumhow i got one too...

shocked, unexpected! for once, my emotions were all mixed up... but so sweet of dem.. guess wats the present? its a chip and dale organiser diary wif a bday card.. its so sweet.. i almost teared... its chip and dale k! haha.. i dun have any pics wif me ryte now.. but will upload dem soon... i kept looking at it throughout..

cute... and i love it lotsa... nice lunch, wif good company.. :)

while we were talking and laughing, suddenly the pizza hut crew came to our table, singing bday song wif a cake... awww.....

we were so shocked, we were juz looking at each other... n i tink they tot they got the wrong table or sth.... but it went well... unexpected!

good service.. haha... nice choc cake wif choc fudge inside it... yum yum!

ohh... my first bday present... and its chip and dale =)

Iryani = ??

2008-12-02T16:03:00.003+08:00

What Iryani Means

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

izzit true? yes? no?

Overdue Pics

2008-11-28T16:03:00.005+08:00

sum overdue pics from ryan's cukur rambut...

b4 the whole ting starts... cam whoring in the room...

nadia n kak iqah..

nadia, kak fati, kak iqah and me!

we sat near the food... hungry, trust me! didnt eat bfast... ermm.. yeah. well, ppl tgh bz baca, we cam whoring at the back!

kak ikin n kak iqah!

nadia n kak fati...

along at the stairway

along n kak d..

the cuzzies tat were present + 2 ibus.. :)

wateva dis is called, its pretty... the purple tingy is to put ryan's hair? n the tingy tat is a shape of a tanjak is like a doorgift? izzit?

was so shocked wen i saw my uncle one of dem..

he's super talented!

wen the cukur rambut start! ryan was super calm.. he didnt even cry or give any probs... he's such a good boy tat day!

my atuk... the bez one i ever had? he's super old now.. haiz.. kesian dier.

along, ryan n abg shahreil... man.. i miz ryan!

baby ryan sleeping... cute ryte? but as usual, after dis nadia took over n ppl assume tat she put the baby to sleep! he muz tired after being up the whole day.

wheres kak d? its juz a few days back we went sentosa.. miz u darls!!

A hug..

2008-11-25T12:08:00.000+08:00

My arms are opened, waiting to greet you, to hold you tight, feel your heart beat next to mine. Let me give you a hug, let me lay a sweet embrace to free you, for a moment from this world, so you could be safe and loved.

Tell me about your day, I want to hear all your frustrations from this routine called life, share every detail, explain how you felt through the hours we were apart, tell me the stories, because you know I always want to know, you are my world and I will listen to you.

Give me your friendship, since it’s the foundation of our relation. I will help you grow and I will accept you for who you are. Let me be your shadow, fallowing your every step, I want you to know that you can depend on me.

Let me be your support when your skies are grey and everything is going wrong. I want to cheer you up, to kiss your pain away, to give you suggestions and be your guide when you’re lost. I want you to know that I will always be there for you, to encourage and help.

Look into my eyes, let me read your mind, erase all your worries, because I will never let you go, I will never leave. Unload your insecurities on me, so I could prove you wrong; let me show you that those thoughts are untrue.

Let me tell you, that your perfection is beyond your imagination, don’t compare yourself to this society of superficial minds, because to my eyes, you are an image painted by the angels above, every detail of your body, personality and mind.

Tell me what you hate about yourself, so I could show you, what your eyes are too blind to see. Let me tell you, that your body is a wonderland and every detail of it is my paradise, boredom will never come, it will take a life time to memorise the beauty of it all.

Be yourself, don’t be fake and don’t pretend, in my arms you are safe, never to be judged. You don’t have to hide or be afraid. I know who you are, my opinions are not here to harm you, and I am here to learn more about you.

Make mistakes, do the bad moves, take the wrong path, since life is about learning, I will be here to make you feel better about them. I won’t be mad if they end up hurting me, I will not put you down, and I will let you do them, you never knew how I felt about them, so I will not hold it against you.

Never hide those mistakes from me; your value in my eyes will stay unchanged. Understand that I don’t keep track of them, your importance will not be affected, you are human after all. They will never blind me or make me turn away from you, I will understand.

Ask for forgiveness and I will listen to your reasons. My love is eternal and I will not let mistakes destroy what we both worked for. If you feel ashamed, I will know that your intentions were good and my heart will not wear any scars.

Tell me about your fantasies and dreams, so I could make them happen. Let me do my best to realise your happiness and if I can’t, I won’t stop you, I was lucky enough to experience mine before I met you. You have the same right, knowing your life is complete and you accomplished them all is my dream, my nightmare, knowing you missed out, having regrets.

Don’t be afraid telling me how you feel; it won’t make you a smaller person. Hearing your friends being cold or calling it weak, to my ears, those words are a part of you. I will memorise them and I will remember them forever. Repeat yourself many times, they will not be unheard. It’s never enough.

Make promises, with words you may not understand. Break them, forget about them, it’s all right; I will remind them to you, if you change your mind, I will explain the meaning of them to you. Try to be my soul mate, saying every word I want to hear, I know those whispers are empty and I know you will not keep them, but it’s all right, you tried.

Tell me you love me, you need me, that I complete you and that you want me for life. I will believe you, because I feel the same way. Even if I know that your meaning behind them is temporary, not like mine, eternal. As long as I know you want me there, I will always be.

Smile to me, showing me the happiness you have holding me in your arms. Let me take the stress away as I return your kiss with three more, I will always give you more then you deserve, you are worth all the sacrifice. Nothing in this world could stop me. You are the only one that can end this.

Come into my arms, they are waiting to touch you. Let me hold you tight, heart to heart, my embrace is filled of unspoken feelings and thoughts. The meaning of a hug is everything you ever wished for; in my arms you can have it all.

Bijou2626

Think Yani

2008-11-25T10:32:00.002+08:00

it got me thinking.... what went wrong... mayb i didnt give my all... i cant help it, wen i have tings to do myself.

those ppl tat i grow up wif is very impt in my life..

what is the decision? im still waiting.... how long do u expect me to wait?

i said wat was in my mind... told the truth... after so long keeping it..

im not a good person myself... theres lotsa tings done without any1 knowing. n not everyone is able to accept me for who i am.

im still learning.... tell me wat do u wan me to do? coz im helpless, i dunno wat to do.

Weekend Summary

2008-11-25T09:31:00.004+08:00

its tue....

had mc yday.... muz be too exhausted... haiz, body not feeling good.

i dun have any pics to upload for sun, during ryan cukur rambut... he's super cute... didnt even cry wen they were cutting his hair.. haiz.

food was good to me..

waiting for abg shahreil to upload the pics, den i'll upload it here ya. it was great, wif the cuzzies... crapping abt stuff, helping to put the sofas in place.. playing wif ryan...

oh well.. so much to say..

on sat... work my ass off again... exhausted..! n worse still i couldnt sleep the whole nyte..

fri nyte met bro for dinner at BK.. at marina square... exp man.. shared the meal wif bro... n had our dessert... i love the mc flurry... wif added peanuts.. yum yum!

sat at the esplanade area..... looked at ppl..... listening to their convo... other den us talking crapped as always...

till 10pm, told bro to go home.. since he's working the next day.

got a comp pass.. ending dis week... anybody wanna watch movie?? or as always, watch alone.. be a lonely kid!

Simpang Bedok!

2008-11-19T11:01:00.004+08:00

went out wif cuzzies again... well.. u'll c a whole load of our pics dis few weeks... lotsa meet up and gathering.. dis fri, east coast!

other den gossips, wat else do we do?

nadia made a guy blush... n she made our dear cuzzin blush too... lol!

the roti john.. yummy....

ohh well, took the pic of roti john only...

me n kak D.. after a long time, she decided to follow for our gathering last nyte.

they do look as tho they are admiring each other...

kak D!! hujan...................

my dear nurse cuzzie.. who cant keep her hp down thruout....

well.. one of the abg took dis pic for us...

love dem... :) c u all again k!

watch watch

2008-11-19T11:00:00.003+08:00

i love it.. its so true.

if Only..

2008-11-19T10:35:00.001+08:00

if only.. love is that simple. wont everyone be happy?

the heart.. is mine, is urs.. is ours..

dotz..

wat should i do?

you dun care? neither do i....

2008-11-18T09:04:00.003+08:00

sux... elp elp elp elp elp!!

sumbody used to say tat i worry too much.... i take tings too hard... i shd smile more often n relax....

so now.... im changing to the other extreme.... im not gonna care/worry.... im juz gonna take tings super easy....

im entering tat change...

hence... i dun really spend time at home.. nor do i really care wat is happening to ppl arnd me... u tell me, i listen.. or else i'll juz heck care

or mayb, i shall only care abt ppl who care abt me.

im drifting away from frenz... from ppl tat i noe... n the ting is i dun really care...

i dun talk to my loved ones as much....

like wat zac say, "im losing all my frenz, n i dun care.."

ohh well zac, c u soon!
cuzzies, simpang aite, gossip gossip gossip!!!!!!
bro, ermm... get over ur hangover! more amirah's grill k!
n to bf, take care.... love u.

went amirah's grill wif bro yday... love the food, love the ambience... delicious.... sweeeeet! didin take any pics tho... too hungry, gobbled all the food up..... bro, next time again ok!

Kak ANN's Marriage!

2008-11-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

out of the 708 pics taken, 317 were uploaded to photobucket and 71 of those are in my blog ryte now...

708 pics in ermm... 8-9hrs?

cam whoring clan.. blame it on abg farhan's DSLR... $1.6K... who can resist the temptation sia?

wokay... i reached there at abt 12.30pm... went over to mum's fren place, de jemputan oso...

ppl start strolling in.. helped out wif the berkat tingy... simple, juz pocky... but seems a hot favourite.. hehe

eventho the crowd is increasing... us.. all of us juz keep taking photos...

my nieces n nephews... cant fail to make me laugh n smile.. their "pllleeeeeease"! their "nnnnnnnaak.." their tears....

my aunts/uncles... all their hardwork for tat one day... n the days b4.. being there for each other... my ibus n ayahs... mamas n papas.. and all the ciks... haha... oppps.. n my uncle n auntie.. (how can i forget tat loving couple!)

ohh.. not forgetting kak ann n abg sufiyan.. tho their pics are not even 1/5 of the 708 pics... i'll still upload ur pics ya!

n last but not least.. my dearies... my camwhore clan... dis is juz ermm.. 5% of the total pics taken?? tho we meet up like... super super super jarang.. but we can hit it off damn well weneva we meet....

so anyway... all we did the whole day was bullshitting n camwhoring... other den giving the berkat, talking to guests, clearing up the plates n cups... it was fun....

my 95% complete cuzzins pic..

c the 2 pics above n spot the difference....

how can they leave me out???? so... photoshop did the job for me.. thanks photoshop..

me n super hot cuzzie... called him airie (pronounced as airy)

scandalous pic according to the photographer.. lol

the cake ibu made... super delicious!

cupcakes! i lurve....

ibu made tat! nice.. yummy!

me n dilah.. she's in nyp too.. gorgeous cuzzie

dilah n kak iqah..

she juz came back last thur.. :)

my family photo without akir.. dunno where he disappear too...

cik lin, mum, kak fati (next bride), n my ibu.

me n the owner of the DSLR... cool la bang! ur camera i mean.. hehe

abg izzam n family, cik an n family..

my closest/bestest cuzzie.. hell yeah.. we grow up together.. went thru tears n laughter together.. believe me.

iqah, farah, nadia, dilah....

it started out wif 3 person taking pics... den i join in... den dilah n farah joined... den kak iqah joined... den arman, kak tati, danial n zanna joined.. haha..

saw the words? our malay sux... haha.. nadia nadia!

"Selamat Penganting Baru

Semoga Kekalan Kehingga Keanak-Kecucuan!""

nak siggggggggn!!!

our last pic 2gether for the day... tired! exhausted... thanks cuzzie for making my day! had loads of fun.... trust me!!! waaaaaa

reached home at 8++ (amazingly early!)... n juz slacked!

Welcome BACK!!

2008-11-14T13:18:00.000+08:00

excited to go over nadia's place... after work, took a cab down... reached there... everyone is not there yet... hehe.. so helped ibu wif the "cooking". hehe.. i didnt cook la... juz help set the table. sum of the food..

fried chix... yum yum yum yum!

squid... sotong hitam.

prawn sambal... gulp!

soon after one by one came... already told irsyad in advance to buy 3 stalk of blue rose... so waited for him...

7++... got the news from udin, they leaving mak's house... got everything prepared... put the candles and everything.

the cake is delicious... ibu bake it herself! ibu ordered the pic n paste it.. she's super smart... i love the cake... heaven n sinful!

we got a missed call suddenly from udin.. all of us were literally running abt closing all the windows and the door. set the cake on my lap, irsyad holding the roses n the others hide at the dining area..

a few mins later, a text came in saying that they are at the carpark... wuhoo! super excited i tell u... after nearly a year not meeting her... surprise surprise!

the moment she open the door...... "SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!"

the lights were on.. i hold the cake forward....

irsyad giving the roses.. she almost teared.. i noe she love blue.. so got her blue roses..

sang the birthday song.. cake cutting session..

had our dinner... hungry man! had only thosai for the day.. food was great... lotsa gossip session.... jokes, laughter.... all those nonsense u missed for 11months? n not forgetting our cam-whoring session..

she got lotsa present.. sum of the presents received...

she can never stay still looking at the camera... so most of the pics are blur, i couldnt put it up.. nadia!!!!!!!!! pics!

and as usual.. we end the day wif gossips! hehe... more more more gossips... argument.... KL trip! yeay....................................

more of our cam whoring session b4 we go back home....

ibu made dis.... pretty.... and delicious!

n finally hugs n kisses.... bubbye.... reached home at 12midnyte.

Random Thots

2008-11-12T14:30:00.000+08:00

have u ever felt very close to sum1? tat u could show ur true inner self towards tat one person? u r not afraid of being shunned away, coz u believe that person is able to accept u for who u r.. tat person will pamper u like a small child or could understand u as an adult? u r not shy of showing ur ugliest side? able to talk abt everyting under the sun to tat person? comfortable in sharing ur most deepest secret? have u found tat sum1? be it ur gf/bf/wife/hubby/bff/bro/sis/mum/dad? even if its juz 1 person... have u found the one? have i?

talked to an old fren... im glad to have such a fren... tho we used to quarrel all the times... we still stand by each other... he was the one who went home wif me and search my whole room for my 'o' lvl cert.. he's the one who treat me if im broke... he's the one tat i'll share my packed food wif at the staircase wen both of us are broke. he's the one who accompany me at home if im bored.. he's the one who always remember things tat i like. i watched him grow from a small boy during sec1.. those sweet memories. thanks dear fren for listening to my complain juz now.

i dreamt.. i was in dis room, its red.. there were mirrors all arnd, above, behind, infront.. theres a tv and a dvd player.... theres choc fondue on the bed.. with nuts and marshmellow. yummy... the room was messy.. bed wasnt made, theres clothes everywhere... n the bed was wet as tho water was juz spilled on it.. ironically, i enjoy the dream... did i mention theres bathtub too? in the room.. great.. i would love to sleep in such a room minus the wet bed n messy clothes.. dream-land

wat would u do if a close fren changed so much tat u couldnt recognise him/her?
1) Be there for him/her thruout.
2) Walk away.
3) Change him/her.
4) Look at him/her from afar n be there wen u r needed.

Bed - J. Holiday

2008-11-11T16:43:00.002+08:00

Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye (repeat 8x times)
Put you to the bed, bed, bed
Put you to the bed, bed, bed
Aye,Aye, Aye, Aye

[Verse 1:]
Girl, change into that Victoria Secret thing that I like
Alright
Ok, tonight your having me your way
Perfume, spray it there
Put our love in the air
Now put me right next to you
Fittin to raise the temp in the room
First rub my back like you do
Right there, uh-uh, right there uh
You touch me like you care
Now Stop
And let me repay you for the week that you've been thru
Working that 9-5 and staying cute, like you do
oh, oh, oh

I love it (I love it)
You love it (You love it)
Everytime (Everytime)
We touchin (We touchin)
I want it (I want it)
You want it (You want it)
I'll see you (see you)
In the morning (In the morning)

[Chorus:]
I wanna put my fingers thru your hair
Wrap me up in your legs
And love you till your eyes roll back
I'm tryin to put you to bed, bed, bed
I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed
Then I'ma rock your body
Turn you over
Love is war
I'm your soldier
Touching you like it's our first time
I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed
I'ma put you to bed, bed, bed

[Verse 2:]
I'm staring at you while your sleep
You replaced it for beauty
Put my face up in your neck and breathe (aww, breathe)
Take you into my senses
Wake up, it's time to finish
Round two, It's round two
Matter of fact it's closer to three

She like, "how long I been sleep?"
Shorty, kisses turn into the sweetest dreams
Like give it to me
And I can feel her tell me
My angel this is wonderful
Thanks, for letting me bless ya
Come down, fly, right, drift back into heaven
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

I love it (I love it)
You love it (You love it)
Everytime (Everytime)
We touchin (We touchin)
I want it (I want it)
You want it (You want it)
I'll see you (see you)
In the morning (In the morning)

[Chorus:]
I wanna put my fingers thru your hair
Wrap me up in your legs
And love you till your eyes roll back
I'm tryin to put you to bed, bed, bed
I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed
Then I'ma rock your body
Turn you over
Love is war
I'm your soldier
Touching you like it's our first time
I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed
I'ma put you to bed, bed, bed

[Bridge:]
Watch the sunlight peak over the horizons
Ou-Ou, Ou-Ou, Ou-Ou, Ou-Ou
Sun ain't the only thing that's shining
Ou-Ou, Ou-Ou, Ou-Ou, Ou-Ou
Now, I'mma send you out into the world with my love
Tell everybody aye, aye, aye [x10]

[Chorus:]
I wanna put my fingers thru your hair
Wrap me up in your legs
And love you till your eyes roll back
I'm tryin to put you to bed, bed, bed
I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed
Then I'ma rock your body
Turn you over
Love is war
I'm your soldier
Touching you like it's our first time
I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed

I'ma put you to bed, bed, bed

*hint* *hint*

Baby bro.. Perth?!

2008-11-10T18:04:00.001+08:00

changed my blogskin.. walla...

i feel so light headed... my eyes can barely open. exhausted... im afraid, i can juz collapse any moment.

fri after work, went to johor straight.. had fun... food n stuff..

reached home nearly 1am..

sat, woke up super early.. 6++..

run sum errands...

reached home, cant take it n sleep again.

work start at 3.55pm... didn meet hakim, sadded.

of to work! sux...

was scolded by a customer. pity kevin n tim tho... they got worse. haiz.. lotsa ppl.. work all the way till 12.30am? exhausted, serious..

didnt sit except for tat 10mins of dinner break.

felt like dying.. n still i have to wait for zul to finish.. since both of us will be sharing a cab... he's such an idiot.. can never stop bickering wif him.. i almost had to beg him to finish fast coz im dying.. but he's nice la.. hehe

took cab, went down to ehub.. hakim reached! we went to watch madagascar2... i slept almost thruout the show. wasted his money.. sory yang! will treat u next time k.. i was so tired, i didnt laugh during tat show but i noe it was funny.

reached home at 3++am... slept for 3 hrs and off to work again!

thank god i finish at 2.30pm.. cash on the dot! yeay...

tot of going home to sleep but didnt.. instead went over to my aunts place..

my cuzzie is solemnizing 2day..

helped cook and stuff... super hot! the place super stuffy... dang, cant take it.. i felt super sticky.

i helped put on henna for her! now my fingers orange... i loike! i love henna...

kak tati putting the henna

my cutie cuzzie..

scotchtape n tissue so tat it wont get messy

i love it! henna smell..

at abt 10++.. we pick ibu n udin, n nadia drove us to the airport.

my bro going perth!

he gotta reach the airport at 11pm.

haiz... i cant believe tat my baby bro has went to perth! he's only pri 5... for one week.. can he take care of himself? will he be fine?

aww.. im missing him already.. nobody to quarrel wif me... nobody for me to bully for the next one week.. hehe

sent him off, wanted to give him a hug.. but my aunt n cuzzie was like all over him.. not literally all over him! well.. u noe wat i mean..

im sure he's excited.. the last time we went perth was wen he's only 3 years old..

told him to bring back lotsa chocs...

after those byes.. we head to popeyes.. by den its already 11.30pm.

irsyad isnt in the pic!

akir wif my cuzzies

miz him sia!

had our supper... dad was cute.. he asked me whether he can use his changi dollar.. i was like, "err? wat changi dollar?"

its basically vouchers where u can use only in changi airport.. its so cool, didnt noe such tings exist..

so he paid for popeye's using tat..

reached home abt 1am..

took out lens, and slp..

wif my jeans n tube. too exhausted!

Marriage?

2008-11-07T08:55:00.001+08:00

its fri... weekend is entering... shd i be happy??

im working dis weekend..... ohh... next week i'll only work on sat... coz if i not wrong, my cuzzie is getting married on tat sun.. izzit cuzzins? i super have no idea.. haiz..

everyone is getting married.... one by one...

as much as i wanna get married..

i wont...

not yet... bro, i'll wait till u get married.. den i will.... my promise to u..

enjoy enjoy......

yeay, a few more days left b4 she come back... miss her so much... its nearly a year....

havnt meet my gang in a long time...

haiz...

i havnt meet up wif my old frenz...

ohh anyway, how many old frenz do i have..

btw... went gym yday... i love the staff gym.. super cool.... i really work out.. im so gonna go regularly... esp during lunch time.. sneak out and go.... 1 hr is so enuf... jogging n weights..

now body aching... badly... i wanna sleep....................................................

P/S:
bed~bathtub~tv~dvd~choc~booze~blanket~KFC~maggie~remote~pillow [combi of all = peaceful and calm nyte]

1234

2008-11-06T14:18:00.005+08:00

Plain White T's - 1234

1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I’ve ever had
Make me feel better when I’m feeling sad
Tell me I’m special even though I know I’m not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You’re the best that I’ve had
And I’m so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy
It’s easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There’s only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There’s only one way to say
Those three words
That’s what I’ll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you

my new found fave song..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjvO3PPu95s

Swensens... Bdae Celeb

2008-11-05T16:28:00.004+08:00

this is what we did yday..

and the video taken..

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to dearest Kak Iqah..
Happy Birthday to you..

tho ur in auckland.... ur always here.. 2gether wif us..

take care.. muz come back next week.... dun care!

and to dear nadia, thx for the treat...

hakim picked us up after tat... send us all home.. thanks so much dearie...

she said sth.... i juz smiled... not cheating, believe me.. will try... i promise will try..

Bee-have

2008-10-30T23:18:00.003+08:00

im gonna sound like a pityful loser in dis post.. so bear wif me...

hate it.. suddenly feel so alone... walk down the "empty" stretch of row.. i wish sum1 is there to walk wif me.. and accompany me home...

but it wont happen... the moment i leave red cross, i look left n ryte.. hoping a miracle would happen.. sum1 would juz appear and accompany me home...

left one day... one more day... who exactly will wish me luck..

dreading work... so much to do.. so lil time..

financial wise, its all down the drain.... savings all gone... due to driving, raya, FA course, home, bills..

and im left wif none..

tummy... plz behave... u cant possibly have gastric all the time... i dun have much money left to feed u everytime u are hurting... plz plz... bear wif me for 2 weeks... i dun even have the cash left to go doc (they will start pushing me to scope and appts and hospital)...

arghh... wateva... im done wif all tat. gd nyte all of u

4th Lesson

2008-10-29T15:41:00.002+08:00

had driving lesson juz now... woo... love it... its the 4th... yet i drove over 60km/h.... drove all the way from braddell to ubi.....

i tot it was super far.. but hell no... i was speeding lotsa times.. haha.. he keep asking me to slow down...

did lotsa turn myself, did u-turn... did illegal turn. stall once but i managed to start it fast.. everything was ok till i jerk myself wen u-turning in front of the skul.. sux!

such a bad ending.. but i did great.. im proud.. he didnt hold the steering as much... drove back all the way from ubi to sch..

love driving.. love his teaching.... he's good...

yeay...

2nyte theres FA course.. dotz... tired. i wanna sleep sleep sleep.... 2 more days 2 weekend... tat means 2 more days to FA test! shit... i cant afford to fail.. *pray*

ohh well.. i shd be working both dis weekend.... no break! sadded...

Bina Insani - Tanjung Pinang

2008-10-29T14:24:00.001+08:00

wat a weekend spent!

sat morn went to work... finished late coz a few cinema coming out at the same time.. it was hectic i tell u... supposedly one movie finishes at 2.10 and the next movie starts at 2.30.. im supposed to let dem in abt 2.20... usually its not a prob even if its full house.. but tat day, all the shows finish late.... so by ryte finish at 2.10.... it finish at abt 2.20pm.. den gotta wait for ppl all to leave b4 clearing... so at the end.. i let dem in at 2.30 or later.... dotz.. so irritating.. u have the whole crowd looking at u.. haiz! wateva.... im supposed to finish at 4.10... but at the end i clock out at 4.30 or so..

bro's family pick me up.. thanks bro(& family)! so went over pasir ris and take sum kuih2.. the kids are bugging us for the kuih2...

den zoom off to tanah merah... wish dem goodbye.. paid for the tix.. changed money...

off we went... was hungry... so we all bought cup noodles.. i bought junks back in the ferry terminal...

so ate ate... long journey...

reached there.. bonda, ayahnda, akas and a'am pick us up..

get our return tix and go to the place... cant wait to c the kids!

juz as the car enter the place, the whole place juz black out... blame on my mouth!

the kids having acara in the mosque... upon seeing us... they all ran out and salam us.. i super dunno who is who.. juz salam... while they all juz shout out our name... haha.. pity dem.. bcoz of us they kena scolding.

after tat... they all one by one left the acara.. went over to one of the boys room... talked and laughed wif dem... and of course camwhoring!

after all dis had our dinner.... while i talked to bonda.. the rez were outside... until found out that we had to return live chickens to its owner... in the middle of the nyte.. and its quite far... no lights except for a torch dayat brought.

reached 'home'.. tired! it was super far! dotz... we decided to give duit raya to the kids... and eat those kuih2 we brought..

bro gave the gals, while i gave the boys.. sweett...

ohh well.. end of day 1....

day 2... was woken up early... the boys came over to the room... create havoc! dotz... wanna cabut ubi.... super excited.. tho i didnt show it... hehe... den we kopek the kulit? wateva u call it..

dis is sidi taking from the top of the tree.. :)

after tat itchy moments(was bitten by lotsa mosquitoes, n theres lotsa ants creeping abt. darn), we walked over to the kolam... tot of jumping in, but we will be going to the beach later..

after slacking.... went over to the room... pusat menimba ilmu... its still as neat as ever..

pity.. only bro's face is gone..

after bfast... bonda cook a delicious meal for us... its juz indomie... but its superb... bonda's cooking is the best..... truly....

washed up for a while... once again the kids came over to the room... thank god i already salin... and all of dem including bro and fizan.. were playing arnd.... dotz... keep slamming each other... i juz lie on the bed looking at dem... so fun! hehe

went to the beach..... it was super packed and hot.. stuffy.... no airconditioned... dotz.......

after an hour journey... we reached the beach.. they call dis trikora 4...

dis is wat they wear to the beach.. wif compact powder.. they were really dressed... even the boys.. with jeans, shirt... me, bro and fizan... only wear long slack and a tshirt... haha... c the vast difference.

next will be trikora beach 2.. all excited to rendam!!! until we find out theres no toilet... apparently they dun wash up... they juz change the clothings. and we were.. errr... so at the end of the day... we didnt rendam... they caught crabs, fishes, starfish... all the stuff they can find.

real starfish... gross...

dead by den!

crab crab crab!!!

fuzzy brought her guy along... we took ayahnda mobile.. cant take the hotness anymore... bought otah2... zoom back... mandi and salin.. tat feels good... kemas bag.. zoom to kerepek tempeh... got the stuff and zoom to ferry terminal... bid dem goodbye... both my dearie boys followed... sidi and akasy! sweet sweet... love dem lots... will never have enuf of dem.. hari raya haji anyone? i tot of doing korban there.

get more pics from bro.... tats how i spent my weekend.. other den having dinner wif hakim after tat...

on mon, my relatives came over.. miz dem lotsa.. discussion discussion... will never be over... shd i take leave? or shd nt i? hmmmmmmm............

M.I.A.

2008-10-22T17:39:00.002+08:00

sms me if u need me... or if u wanna talk..

moz prolly i'll be out of range.. or i wont pick up.

take care.

3rd Lesson

2008-10-21T17:54:00.001+08:00

im having a headache... massive headache.. it muz have been coz of troubleshooting ppl's notebook since 1pm. n moz of the time im alone. dumb!

had driving juz now... different instructor... only 3rd lesson... he taught me how to cut lanes, drive nearly 60km/h.. dun allow ppl to go to my lane.. in short be an aggresive driver... all the more, im nervous... its only the 3rd lesson! trauma feeling inside..

exhausted once again. feel like a living zombie.. i dun initiate any convo.. i dun sms anyone.. and i barely reply.

i wanna go into the well.. but i dun wanna be alone.. get it?

2mrw afternoon have to rush down to dhobby ghaut to pay for FA course. haiz... no lunch time again.

so much to do.. so little strength.

work over soon... yet, i have tuition.... last lesson.. hang on!

im hungry.. had brunch.. which is at 10am.

how do i bring myself to be sad in front of others, wen they are happy? i shd juz be happy too.

2mrw... after work.. i shd hug dale and slp sumwhere.

Lesbo Wannabe SUX

2008-10-17T09:16:00.001+08:00

pardon me baby.. but now u sounded like a les... les? lesbian! wif tat 'pet' name and those post... ohh gosh... anybody would tink it tat way.....

i wanna go murdoch uni.. its in perth.... it has computer science too... it has dis course which is super exciting.. criminology... and dis cyber forensics tingy..

if im financially stable, i will go there.... 1 day.. i will go overseas.. its part of my dream.

Johore - Aziiiiiiq!

2008-10-14T12:12:00.001+08:00

my trip to johor last sun...

the lips? i wore for him lip gloss and my watershine lipstick.. hehe

super lazy cat..

ibu framed dis pic.. it brings back memories.. and tears tat was felt.

too lazy to blog... let the pics speak.

2008-10-11T13:27:00.002+08:00

it has become like a story... exciting story..

updates everyday there... cold war.. quarrel.. i loike.. cant help laughing my ass off..

dun understand wats the prob... y one party has to terhegeh2 and the other party has to layan...

i juz dun understand... childish? or wat? wats the different of being 25 and 15 den? the behaviour is similar.. haha

weird.. juz weird... u dumped den terhegeh2.. only kids do tat.. in secondary sch... i love u one min and i dun the next... i dun love u anymore but i still wanna talk to u.. share stuff wif u... i still need a hug from u... i noe u miss me but u dun wanna say...

hahahaha...

im still laughing.... laugh wif me brother..

2008-10-03T09:46:00.000+08:00

Ludacris Ft. Mary J. Blige - Runaway Love

Yeah! and it go a little sumthin like this...

[Hook - Mary J. Blige]
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)
Runaway love (run away)

[Verse 1 - Ludacris]
Now little Lisa is only 9 years old
Shes tryin to figure out why the world is so cold
Why she's all alone and they never met her family
Mamas always gone and she never met her daddy
Part of her is missin and nobody will listenin
Mama is on drugs gettin high up in the kitchen
Bringin home men at different hours of the night
Startin with some laughs usually endin in a fight
Sneak into her room while her mamas knocked out
Tryin to have his way and little Lisa says "ouch"
She tries to resist but then all he does is beat her
Tries to tell her mom but her mama don't believe her
Lisa is stuck up in the world on her own
Forced to think that hell is a place called home
Nothin else to do but get some clothes and pack
She says she's 'bout to run away and never come back.

[Hook - Mary J. Blige]
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love.

[Verse 2 - Ludacris]
Little Nicole is only 10 years old
Shes steady tryin to figure why the world is so cold
Why she's not pretty and nobody seems to like her
Alcoholic step-dad always wanna strike her
Yells and abuses, leaves her with some bruises
Teachers ask questions she's makin up excuses
Bleedin on the inside, cryin on the out
There's only one girl who really knows what she's about
Her name is little Stacy and they become friends
Promise that they'll always be tight til the end
Until one day lil Stacy gets shot
A drive by bullet went stray up on her block
Now Nicole stuck up in the world on her own
Forced to think that hell is a place called home
Nothin else to do but get her clothes and pack
She says she's 'bout to run away and never come back.

[Hook - Mary J. Blige]
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love
Runaway love

[Verse 3 - Ludacris]
Little Erica is 11 years old
Shes steady tryin to figure why the world is so cold
So she pops x to get rid of all the pain
Cause she's havin sex with a boy whose 16
Emotions run deep and she thinks she's in love
So there's no protection he's usin no glove
Never thinkin bout the consequences of her actions
Livin for today and not tomorrows satisfaction
The days go by and her belly gets big
The father bails out he aint ready for a kid
Knowin her mama will blow it all out of proportion
Plus she lives poor so no money for abortion
Erica is stuck up in the world on her own
Forced to think that hell is a place called home
Nothin else to do but get her clothes and pack
She say she's 'bout to run away and never come back.

[Hook - Mary J. Blige]
Runaway Runaway
[repeats til end]

Don't keep runnin girl
Running, running, running
Don't keep on running
Don't don't keep running
I know how u feel i been there
I was running away too
I will runaway with you
I will runaway with you
Running running running
Runaway runaway love
Don't keep running away
Ill run away with you
If you want me to

Yeah I can only imagine
What your goin through ladies
Sometimes i feel like running away myself
So do me a favor right now and close your eyes
And picture us running away together
And when we come back
Everything is gonna be ok
Open your eyes

2008-09-17T16:37:00.000+08:00

how i wish.. there is sumbody to go terawih wif me..

how i wish, there is sum1 who bimbing me..

how i wish.. i have the motivation to do all dis..

how i wish.... i have a different set of family..

how i wish.. i have sum1 who lives under the same roof to show me the ryte path.

how i wish...

Exhausted

2008-09-12T13:22:00.006+08:00

hows ur weekend?? mine.. work work work... n ryte now.. im struggling to keep my eyes open..

emotionally drained.. ryte now.. super drain..

waited for those words... "good luck" or "all the best".. it never came..

or even, "how was the test?" or "did u pass?" or "was it ez?"

i guess im juz transparent in anybody's live.

im born to listen and not say a word..

bbye.

2008-09-12T13:22:00.004+08:00

wat is the topic for today??? KISSES...

"Make the kiss the reason for the kiss. Some people seem to treat kisses as nothing more than a prelude to something else, and will try to quickly move into french kissing or start putting their hands in inappropriate places. Good kissers concentrate on the kiss, and they kiss, at least seemingly, expecting nothing more. Enjoy the experience, and don’t move too fast. Live in the moment. You will not kiss as well if your mind is somewhere else. For example, when kissing, try to avoid thoughts like "What is he/she thinking about?", "Do I look good tonight?", or anything else. Don't be too self-conscious, or have ANY thoughts outside the kiss if you can help it. Instead, concentrate on the way the other person's lips feel against yours.

Go slow. Passionate kisses are good sometimes, but to really enjoy a French kiss, you must take it slow. Do not hurry and take time to explore each other's mouth.

TIPS: make sure you love the person and your madly in love.

If you want to show a mark of your affection, consider giving or receiving a hickey or love bite. A hickey is a red or purple mark caused by sucking on the skin. Some people like them, but they can be painful, and they don't go away quickly, so be sure to discuss this with your partner before trying to give him or her one."

im good.. im bored... dotz! dada, red!

dun mind me.. =>

2008-08-25T13:57:00.002+08:00

I'm With You

The morning breeze of the silent sea
The sound of a blind man playing the beat
Releasing the pain
That is stuck in me
It soothe my mind
From time to time

I risk all dangers
I had to climb
To make this love
A successful one

I will be there
Whenever you need me
I will find you
Whenever you leave me

You're freed my mind a thousand times
I'll end this poem with a speak of my mind
No matter where you are
I still love you for who you are.

2008-08-12T09:28:00.003+08:00

i havnt blog for sum time....

it doesnt mean tat everything is alryte. it juz means tat im bottling everything up.

and my purpose of blogging dis time isnt to pour it out..

every now and den, i would look up his blog.. read his posts... last dated was 20 months ago..

i wish there was a miracle where there would be an update..

i wish he's still arnd..

nuts, i noe nth abt dis guy... but i wish he's still arnd..

coz i miz him so much...

i dunno where u r ryte now.. plz take care of the Brotherz whereeva u r... im sure they miss u..

i miz u alot too.

2008-07-31T11:00:00.001+08:00

so am i supposed to be the good guy or the bad guy now?

2008-07-30T11:45:00.001+08:00

work work work!

juz a mini getaway..

tats all i need..

depressed! period

2008-07-25T09:37:00.006+08:00

Think Back

If you teared, think back...
have you hurt me b4?

If you feel neglected, think back...
have you ever leave me alone?

If you don't feel love, think back...
have you showed that you love?

If you don't feel pampered, think back...
have you ever care for me?

************************************

If you really love, think back...
is that the way to express and to prove?

If you care, think back...
would u only sms once/twice a day?

think back... self-reflect...

2008-07-23T15:51:00.003+08:00

the whole 1 hour journey, i was composing wat im gonna blog... all the words, angst... everything.

but everything subside the moment i reach sch. did my work.. eventho i remember wat i need to blog.. the feeling isnt there anymore.

haiz..

prove to me if u r sincere.... after everything, im juz not the nice gal u once knew...

treat me good and i'll treat u good.
hurt me and i'll make sure u'll get hurt too..

vengence...

nah....

juz noe tat i sincerely care and love.. its juz not appreciated.

2008-07-18T15:58:00.002+08:00

i scared the shit of myself... got myself into a shock.. stunned!

dang..

all the pics and videos..

blame me for 'researching' on tattoos, scarification, branding, suspension, body modification and wateva not..

leaves me gitters...

aww.. i need a hug!

im bored! an hour and a half to go... and den it would be 3 hours! hmmph! dun loike.

stephie on mc for 2 days! im so bored... haiz! come back soon will ya!

yeay.. its the weekend! and 2mrw im working... wuhoo.. i wish i could work on sun too..

i guess next week i shall work on fri nyte and sun afternoon. hmm... mayb mayb..

its full moon... gonna love it 2nyte.... food and company... mmmm

met up wif cuzzies last 2 days. ate at siam kitchen.. i dun like the food! not nice. not going there again..

talked to dem.. abg shahreil was there too.. and he being the only thorn! listen to our gossips! at times its fun to have a guy there.. juz to entertain u, coz they are not in for gossip..

oh well.. juz like in bina insani... acit was wif us at nyte all the time.. and we'll be like, "acit, we are so irritated, plz entertain us.." or "acit, dun slp yet, plz entertain us.." and he knows sth is wrong.. haha.. he's always there wen we gossip! or to say let our feelings out. it feels great... thanks thanks thanks many many.. =P

im sure the other 4 will agree. :) miz u gals lotsa!

so back to my cuzzies.. nadia was telling us everything... mixture of feelings! darn.. f*** dem. theres no more compassion, no more sympathy... beyond disappointment...

yday went home talk to my bro... its super nice.. once in a while rant to him... wen i was tired i went to slp.. mum reached home.. and its mum's turn to rant to him! sweet of him to listen to us rant after work.. hehe

ugh..! i dunno how to describe my feelings.. beyond angry... it come to a point where i dun care anymore.. juz dun care.. wateva wanna happen, can happen.

how much u value ur own family...

2008-07-15T17:30:00.001+08:00

my throat hurts badly.. im gonna have fever... shit.. hoping its not tonsillitis.

arghh..

haiz, i dunno wat to do.

abg...? where r u?

2008-07-15T11:33:00.004+08:00

Dik - Waliband

Dik, aku pinta kau akan s’lalu setia
Dik, aku mohon kau s’lalu menemani
Saat ku tengah terluka
Kala ku tengah gundah

Reff:
Ku akan menjagamu
Di bangun dan tidurmu
Di semua mimpi dan nyatamu
Ku akan menjagamu
Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

Dik, jangan engkau pergi tinggalkan aku oh…
Dik, ingin aku cinta dan cinta s’lalu
Saat kau tengah terluka
Kala kau tengah gundah

Back to Reff:

Kau akan menjagaku
Di bangun dan tidurku
Di semua mimpi dan nyataku
Kau akan menjagaku
Tuk hidup dan matiku
Tak ingin, tak ingin kau rapuh

Back to Reff:

the song.... tat reminds me how much i love him. tat reminds me of the bond we shared. it seems like yday.. i juz love him lotsa.... ur far yet near to me... yet close to me.. i've never regret. thanks for always being there for me eventho u r so far away. deeply in love wif u.

2008-07-10T08:55:00.002+08:00

met up with dem...

explained the plan... told dem the reason..

they accept.. tho lotsa questions thrown.. confusion! confusion!

haha..

love dem to bits..

how izzit they can c wat others cant c?

how izzit they know even without being told..

tats my cuzzies..

its tough.. its not ez... the heart is still too stubborn to c wat the eyes saw. haiz..

once again. im tired of all dis crap..

as much as i wanna love... i know i cant..

as much as i wanna be there, i know i shouldnt..

since we r not impt to her anymore, y shd we go....

i'd rather go out wif my loved ones..

even dad was saying the same ting.. i was basically ranting to him last nyte.. it feels good.. wen was the last time? and he's on my side! yeay..

i feel like i wanna 'work' 2nyte.. im tired.. i need sum peace.

2008-07-08T09:01:00.001+08:00

im bad...

im evil..

i laugh looking at the blog..

at the latest post..

im sory..

prove to me u r worth his....

otherwise... im sory, i cant trust u..

not anymore. period

its great... smiles.. hehe

stupid sch.. i cant upload any pics..

sory baby.. i shall upload it wen i can..

muackz.. take care in tekong ya.

2008-07-07T09:20:00.000+08:00

it was great... hell of a weekend.

work and work! but i love working.. workaholic..

hehe

tiring but felt peaceful... tho the quarrels b4 work.

faz bday! happy 21st birthday... it was great... preparing and celebrating.. the prezzie.. atik's crankiness. :)

sun.. hmm... went early to run sum errands. went sing song.. smiles all over.. went back to faz house to help her "cook". apparently i juz stir stir the dishes.. haha. satay goreng! yum! eating tat once a year.. i gotta learn how to cook tat... anyone?

den hakim went over and send me to darul ma'wa... the wait was long.. but its worth it. thanks baby..

sent faz to bedok int and he drop me off there..

hmm... the first time he drove me.. juz the 2 of us... we shd do tat more often k! remember our plan! im excited.. hehe

reached there... seeing the crowd.. faints! nadia and her fren, nurul learned fast! esp the sword and hat... haha.. super cute.. technique was wrong, but it still turn out sumhow the same.. haha, different varieties.. sum other ppl help too.... the moment i reached, i practiced on the flower... its been too long, and the stupid balloons keep bursting on me! dang..

i hate balloons!!!!! but the kids are super cute... haha.. i juz love kids lotsa. i wish abg was there to help. he would be able to do more den me... there was once wen sum1 wanted a flower in 4 different colors and a dog in 3 different color. and i was the only one who knows how to make tat.. so it was hell.. haha..and i was already super exhausted.. barely slept for 2 nytes. my hand was all sore, even till now.

halfway thru.. i saw his mum.. his mum kept smiling2 and talked to me.. she said, hakim went home already.. haha.. she was playing arnd la... hakim was there, standing a few metres away.. haha.. i nearly run to him wen i saw him... nadia was bad! she saw him but didnt tell me aniting.. so i followed them arnd... and send them to the car.

ohh.. im gonna miss u again.. i barely get to c u for an hour! dang.. love u dear.

at 5++, went over to fazila's house again.. bring the cake.. ate the food.. hungry! didnt eat the whole day except for bread and biscuit in the morn. yum yum.. satay goreng! satay goreng! cut the cake, and talk to her nenek.. and her nenek keep asking me to tambah lagi.. and i love joking and disturbing her nenek. it feels good, esp wen u dun have a nenek. :)

at 8pm, i left the place.. hmm... did sum stuff... and went home! mama and papa(my aunt and uncle) was at home too.. it seems like my fa kit on the table, and mama was aslp.. she's sick! pity her.. papa injured his leg? so my mum gave him a rub.

i sat on the sofa and i juz slept.. for all i know it was 12++ and mum wake me up, asking me to slp in the room...

i didnt even realise my aunt and uncle left home.

haiz.. exhausted.. went inside the room, got the news.. and i cant sleep. and my hands was super sore! i wish there was sum1.. i wanted to but i cant.. sadded.

haiz

2008-07-02T10:37:00.001+08:00

its been a week and it aint get any better... haiz..

i wish i could juz sleep.. tats wat i've been feeling..

head feeling heavy, my eyes doesnt want to keep open. sux..

all the tings happening. its not ez ryte now..

is there anything tat can make me feel better?

its juz me, to hate meds.. as much as i hate docs and clinics....

wateva. im not in the mood to be nice. neither am i in the mood to be happy..

as much as i try to be happy, its difficult.

y are u so far in tekong? it feels super lonely without u arnd.. we shd go out again... late at nyte.

im exhausted. im tired..

my head hurt so much.. i feel like pulling my hair out.

2008-06-25T11:38:00.002+08:00

the expedition..... speechless.. i feel super attached to the kids suddenly..

looking at all the pics.. doing the vid... its tiring! shitty... its not an ez task...

and the fact tat it bring back all the hurt tat i felt there.. tears tat i shed, soreness inside.. neglection.. ouch.

and the moment i feel tat, i dun wish to cont... i feel like closing the software.

i muz have been hurt so badly, tat its still felt inside.. hurting badly..

im trying my bez to forgive and forget... but its not as simple as it sound..

god.. give me the courage to go thru all dis once again.. heal all the wound inside... im tired feeling like dis..

sorethroat, running nose.. i feel sick... exhausted crawls back in.

suddenly she need a break once again..

soon.. dis week? next week?

2008-06-19T11:46:00.000+08:00

fuck fuck fuck!

i hate it!

darn... idiot!

2008-06-05T11:24:00.004+08:00

at times i wonder, y do i feel so attached to u.. at times i wonder, how life will be without u arnd...

everything will be fine... ur hard work will be a success..... we'll go thru it 2gether... all of us will be behind u... all of us will be there.. and i personally will be by ur side. unless tat spot has been taken by sum1 else.

i choose to be the silent company.. not becoz im stoning, but bcoz wat u need is warmth and hug.. if u wanna talk, u would... and i'll always be there.. no matter how u let out ur anger to me.. how bz u r... how all dis affected ur life. i juz wont step away.

it feels nice and secured wen u r arnd.. im not afraid, nth to be afraid of.. even after wateva has happen.. im still not. and i still trust u as how i did 4 years ago.

life will be as normal... u'll be my EL... it wont be ez.. for one week. i cant talk to u like how i always do. cant joke arnd, cant do the tings we always do. but i'll survive.

hell, im missing u already. but im alryte...

ryte now, theres lotsa tings for me to settle.. meeting zac... meeting him... meeting my cuzzie.. spend time wif my family. packing my luggage.. 4 more days, including 2day..

prioritize.... i sacrifice my time wif the others.... bcoz i meet u yday. also bcoz i simply miss u.

thanks for the sweet memories, ppl.. i hope im not werking dis weekend... kevin, plz dun put me on schedule.. haiz.. praying hard!

kak ikin, things will go smoothly.. im praying hard everything will be fine... love u... ur op will be a success!

nadia... tings will be alryte... eventho im far away, u can still call me if u need company.. aite, deq..

zac.. thanks for still being a fren, after wateva happen.

love u all.. esp u, bro.... thanks for being there.. thanks for always making the time for me.

and to him, thanks for listening to my rants all the time. and thanks for all those sweet things u have done.

last one week.. give me the courage..... love u all.

p/s: doesnt it sound like a last post? hopefully it wont.

Fall for You

2008-06-03T16:29:00.002+08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

2008-06-03T16:10:00.002+08:00

i juz feel super sore inside... the soreness will stay.. hopefully it will go away soon. it doesnt feel great to feel sore.

haiz.

im super tired of all dis shit.

the feeling inside juz wouldn't go away.. everyday.. since the past 2mths++, i've been maintaining and controlling the feeling..

its alryte. i wont be the nice gal anymore.. if u treat me good, i'll be good. or else, i'll juz keep to myself.

2mrw.. im not gonna initiate or plan anyting... u all decide.. im exhausted. if u still wanna call, u noe u can always get me.

priority.. ppl fail wen it comes to tat... they dunno who shd they prioritise first.. the person who leave dem or the person who has been there all this while.

i guess, i shd also prioritize the person who leave me. only den will u feel wat i feel.

2 weeks seem so long. i wish it would end fast.

they were great. they listen.. i explain, they understood... thanks gals....

all the bitchyness..... i wish i could work gv dis few days. i wish! i juz need sum peace..

god, plz give me the courage to go thru all dis.. plz give me the ketenangan in my mind, and lapangkan dadaku.. i cant go thru dis alone... plz...

2008-06-03T08:42:00.002+08:00

how irony life is... the person whose been there for, look out for u... waited for u till u are out of side, got the shortest call ever...

"i called juz to say take care..." (in a cold tone)

"oh ok... u too.."

(silent)

"aite, bye den"

while the person who ignores and suddenly turn arnd and walk away, got the longest call ever..

how fair is life?

no reply at all... juz tat <1 min of call..

tats juz life, isnt it? u r there, ppl always take u for granted.. but for sum1 whose gone, disappear... they treasure tat person..

"i already lost her, i cant lose u.." action speaks louder den words......

u noe im always there, tats y... u r not worried.

im tired... tired being the nice one.. tired of being said, "the 3rd party..", "the barrier between the happiness of 2 loved soul." "the obstacle to happiness"

the feeling of not being worthy is not pleasant..

im tired of all dis... super tired....... with wateva ppl are tinking behind my back... talking..

i shdnt be nice..

everything was interrupted by tat nearly an hour call... now.. i dunno wat else to blog.

the cycle will go on....

and i realise.. dis kinda tings will always happen after breaks or b4 we meet up. its like.... i dunno..

and one of my weakness.. i can never get mad for long. no matter how much i tried.

i hope u can c... i hope u are able to differenciate.. and i hope ur heart knows who's the one who was there all the time.. and i really mean ALL THE TIME!

im sorry.. i gotta go...

p/s: its off my finger..

2008-06-02T08:51:00.002+08:00

breakfast, daddy?

since wen i start calling u tat..

drained, after working non stop.. drained after sleeping less den 10hrs for the past 3 days.

totally drained after sleeping for abt 5 hours each day.

i was being physcho by kevin and mervix.. super idiot.. in the end, i myte have to work for 2 days dis coming weekend.. i MYTE....

wuhoo.. last week. i've planned out the tings to do after everything ends.

yeay!!! im trying to feel excited after everything. trying to feel the happiness in me.

the dinner was great.. love it.

2008-05-30T09:53:00.002+08:00

i love the food.. i love the company..

i love him.. yes, i do..

im high.. im excited..

tho im tired.. im so exhausted.... but i feel high....................................

weee.......

chocs 2nyte... hugs and kisses... sleep! bed! chip and dale.........

going to mendaki later.. gotta settle the profile book. i better hav a good rez 2nyte.. or i'll be zombified 2mrw...

2mrw will work till errmm 4am?

and sun will start work at 10am..

crazy me.. serene was really double checking wif me... she was worried? afraid i'll be too tired?

its ok... i love working there.... i dunno why.. the only place, i find peace... wif movies all arnd... and frenz...

blablabla...

cant wait for u... i miz u lotsa.

2008-05-29T08:41:00.003+08:00

all i needed is juz sum attention..

long overdue.....

neglecting?

keeping in all inside..

i wish u feel it.

but u r too damn bz wif other tings

2008-05-26T20:35:00.003+08:00

i guess im losing my mind..

eventho im doing everyting for a reason.

i noe im gonna be tired after every session on sat, but i'll still go work after tat. reason being, its not really coz i wanna work... its coz i dun wanna face tat situation where i'll be wondering who he will send home. tat situation hurts coz i noe the outcome... it hurts so much tat i'll tear everytime..

months after months, and i still couldnt accept it.. i wish i had lost tat feeling... i wish i could lose it.

ppl arnd me have been asking me to quit... quit my 2nd job. i dun wanna quit... not wen i feel im losing my happiness.. i need the place where i forget the pain, forget the hurt im feeling. a place where i can spend time wen i lose tat sum1.

3 more weeks... after tat, the verdict will arrive.. i sumwat know wat i'll do... i sumwat know, wat the outcome is..

wateva it is yani, u wont be alone.... along is always there. along will always be there.

thx along.

2008-05-24T12:27:00.001+08:00

reading my recent posts..

it makes me look as tho im having an affair wif sum1 who's in love wif sum1 else?

don't u tink so?

bodo nye aku... dijadikan bahan mainan... dijadikan seperti tiada harga diri.

ouch.

2008-05-24T12:16:00.002+08:00

once? twice? its trice dis time..

im not mad nor angry.. trust me.. worried yes.. did it get in? i dunno..

the feeling of having to go thru the cycle once again... sleep-close-attach-hurt-hurt-hurt..

hurt y? jealous.. yup.. and only happen during ppi.. simply coz... theres one more wanting ur attention..

argh.. been a few months.. i still couldnt counter dis prob. 2day, it wont happen... i will sit quietly.. u can send her home.. u can manja2 wif her.. remember, no strings attached.

its difficult on my part.. but for u shdnt be a prob.. u got sum1 to fall back on.

and for me... hiding the tears behind those smile.

the dream... its time to learn how to appreciate.. its time 2 express differently.. it was juz a dream. if its real?

exhausted.. havnt sleep.. doing profile book. sick and tired of it already... basically of everyting.. i dun feel the enthusiast anymore... how to, wen everything overlap the happiness? how to, wen theres so much to be done.. i wish i dun have to go.. i wish time is longer... im not looking forward to it... at all.. not anymore. coz nearer means deadline is nearer.. which means lesser sleep, and lesser rez for me..

2 more weeks only... 2 more. i havnt pack.. havnt tot of wat to bring... havnt buy... havnt prepare... i need sum motivation, EL... personal motivation.

2008-05-15T10:54:00.002+08:00

i need to let it out or i'll go mad... haiz.. i cant look at his face.. i feel super guilty. the feeling is like killing me inside... his expression the first time i met him in the hallway. he look super heartbroken.. and tat phrase.. "i didn't know tat you were the other........"

it was exhausting.. it was fun.. nice... exploration... yum yum! :p but sumhow im abit afraid.. it didnt get to me does it?

the call juz kill everything.. y would u say, "i love u" in the language u used to say b4 u broke up? i find it super weird..

its like.. u r wif sum1, and tat sum1 is tinking abt sum1 else... how hurt can tat be.. and after tat.. "plz dun go.. plz dun go... dun leave me...." it keeps going on and on.... and its like... after tat hpn, dis hpn. tears juz rolled down.. izzit the hurt? or the begging tat touched my heart?

amazingly. i dun feel super exhausted like how i always feel.. guess i get to sleep for 2 hours without being interrupted. it helps... wen u slp peacefully.. even for a few hours. but i still feel a lil tired tho. sleepy.

speechless...... it feels good... how am i to let u go after wat hpn?

2008-05-13T17:47:00.003+08:00

i've been having a super bad headache since yday... izzit bcoz i didnt get enuf rez? or enuf slp.. to tink of it, i work for 7 days straight, den on sat went mendaki.. reach home late at nyte.. on sun one whole day off to melaka... reach home nearly 12... and yday wake up super early for work.. i didnt have any rez. work work work!

my body is shutting down slowly... head super painful.. i need a good massage.. and a good rez! arghh.. so many tings to be done. too many..

work and work and work.. tired.. juz exhausted.

and now for 2 days, we r juz slacking. its more tiring wen u r not doing anyting.. coz time pass slowly..

i still havnt get my stuff..

but on the other hand work is cool... WWW and billiard!!! wooooo!

gotta go!

2008-05-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

the ending?? she did the profile book in tears..

2008-04-22T14:50:00.003+08:00

sometimes you are too hard to be understood
but admist all, i still stood there
Even after quarrels and endless tears
i could never walk away

at times i tried, tried to vanish
but our memories keep holding me back
you are etched deeply in my heart
without you, i wouldnt be who i am

the times where we "make love"
gentle and slow as if not wanting to end
breakfast and supper on the bed
those moments, was tat love or lust?

true, the bond gets deeper
as complex as it can get
but wateva happens, i wont move
unless you dun need me anymore

one day, things will change
everything we once shared will end
but always remember, dear guardian angel
never ever forget the times we shared

wasnt tat cool? hmm, im sure sum out there would tink i create it.. make love? haha.. yum2.. :p

oh well... so much to share.. but too exhuasted to do so. take care ppl

2008-04-13T10:43:00.002+08:00

super exhausted... everything juz drained. there so much to be done! i am going bonkers. i need help...

sumone plz help me with the designs..

bah.. i juz dunno wat else to write.. juz so many weighing in my mind. i wish i could sleep my way thru and wake up only wen everything ends. haiz

hey EL, im shagged.. seriously

2008-04-07T13:44:00.002+08:00

i cant deny i had fun..

but usual me, cranky.. super cranky... tired and not enuf slp.

it wasnt ez... i tried my bez.. i failed. fail to treat u differently.. wen u "collapse", im sori i keep calling u tat. i shouldnt hav.. wen izzat said, "everyone, step back... (her) stay there." i was stumped... speechless... i shd have step back... i did at the end..

and ryte now.. my heart still flutter tinking abt the incident. the tears tat are shed in the cubicles.. i had to be strong in front of the rez. esp wen she cried. if the first aider to be emotionally down, the rez wont feel confident at all.

its coz u r sick ryte now, im keeping everything all aside. keeping it all inside..

u merely brush off everything i sms.. replying by changing the subject. i request for an ans... i need to noe. its sore deep within. i dun understand y?! i juz dun...

if she dun matter, wats the prob?! why the hell i put u first in everything, wen im always the last for u. she does matter... and u only tink of her feeling. my feelings was never thought upon. or was it ever cared. its more of taking care of others feelings.

forget it.. im tired of all dis shit. since she matters so much to u, keep tat ting inside ur box. wear the one she gave u instead. u take care of urself... and ur new totet... im taking a step back. i cant afford bleeding inside all the time. and u dun care abt it.

2008-04-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

other den i got nth to say, i cant help pondering..

y do i tell u every single ting, even wen u shdnt noe. but on ur part, everything is a secret. its juz frustrating, how i trust u so much.. even after wateva has hpn... n dis is wat i get in return.

was trying my luck wen i ask. i expected it, sumhow it still feel like a piece is being ripped off. nth else to be said. and im afraid, while trying to let my feelings out, i become rude and hurt u. i'll juz keep mum.

i juz wan a day there there is no werk, away from home, away from my responsibilites.. away from commitments... away from stress. juz wanna lay in bed the whole day. tv and bath tub.. massage... perfect!

lets c if u feel aniting.

2008-03-24T23:35:00.002+08:00

in times of need.. only true frenz stay by ur side. and only during tat point of time, u noe who are ur frenz.

went out wif my loved ones.. miz dem lotsa.. it seems like ages since i last met dem. gave dem a kiss each the moment i met dem..

cuzzies, thx for the treat and the laughter.. i'll always learn sth after out meet.

and for my dearest beano.. it has always been nice meeting u. n juz for ur info, i had dis feeling we r gonna meet. and we really did! connection.. tat juz shows how we are able to understand each other real well.

and to u dear fren. dun let the money issue get in ur way.. i'll lend u a hand if u need it. i called the other 2.. but both dun seem to care. wat are frenz for? its annoying.. ur fren need help. she needs a fren.... n where were all of u??

work work... tats life! im already exhausted.. i wanna go for a short getaway.. or a break... 3A3B3C, here i come..

trying my bez to make time for all my commitments.

isnt it irritating wen sumbody sms u and not replying wen u reply dem? den wats the point of smsing? i really need to move on.. its so difficult. i locked the feeling up, i didnt let it go. guess tats y i cant move on. i dun wanna open it up, i dun wanna bleed all over again. im giving up... im not gonna hope nomore. u wanna play dis game, we'll play dis game.

im too bz to bother abt tings... too tired to care. hehe.

aniway!!! i juz wan u to be happy... tats all.. be happy. i dun care who/wat/where.. i juz wan to c u smile. tats the least i wanna do.

even if im tired after work.. or gotta wait for u for an hour.. or longer.. i'll still do so. even i run out of money, i'll still buy dinner if i come over. even if i didnt slp thru the nyte, or im sleepy.. i'll still drop by to bring u breakfast or accompany u home. even if im sad or hurt, i'll never blame u for it.. even wen we quarrel, the feelings never change. tats how much i treasure.. tats how much i care.. tats how much i love.

i feel happy putting all dis down. i feel good. the ring.. u mentioned it.... thanks. im sure it will change everything wen she read it. dun bcoz of me, tings turn for the worse. i love seeing u smile. i love seeing u being cheerful. actually.. i love ur crankiness too.

acceptance.. its all abt accepting. no such ting as love but not accepting. its either u love and accept, or not both. coz love without accepting will never last.

sleepy and in a dazed. love u all, esp u my dear guardian angel. u noe who u r.